


Conceal, Don't Feel; Malec Frozen AU

by freeleigh47



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed, Fluff and Angst, M/M, One-Sided Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland, Sibling Love, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-03-11 06:11:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13518201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freeleigh47/pseuds/freeleigh47
Summary: Shadowhunter characters in the world of Frozen! Teenaged Alec Lightwood struggles with his feelings for his adoptive brother Jace, his ice powers an inconvenient obstacle constantly threatening to reveal his deepest secret. But just before his 21st birthday, resigned to his fate of marrying a women to carry on the Lightwood name, he meets Magnus Bane; a specialist brought in to train the royal guards. With his infatuation of Magnus obviously reciprocated, can Alec make the right choice between duty and his own happiness?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Frozen AU fic, based around Alec coming to terms with his feelings and trying to hide them from his family out of a sense of duty. (Similar to his season 1 storyline from the show, and books 1-3 of The Mortal Instrument series). I really wanted to focus on Alec's journey, so it is told from his perspective. Like the Frozen movie, my fic starts when they are children, then after chapter 1 I start laying more of the groundwork for Malec :) All in good time! I have no idea how many chapters this will end up being, some are longer than others, but this is the first fic I have done with multiple chapters or combining Shadowhunters with another world, but I am happy with how it is turning out so far!

** Once upon a time, in a faraway land called Arendelle, lived a young Prince named Alexander Lightwood. At his birth, he was blessed by the Angels with the  
extraordinary gift of magical ice powers. His family and kingdom rejoiced in this honor, as only a rare chosen few were bestowed upon with such gifts by  
the power of Raziel himself. Alec was loved dearly by his family and his kingdom, was gentle and loyal, courageous and kind. Alec was growing up to be  
just the leader that his kingdom would need one day, and was on the path of becoming a trusted and revered King. 

But Alec had a secret. **

 

Alec is roused from sleep and immediately groans. 

“Alec Alec Alec!” Izzy nudges him excitedly. “Let’s play!” 

“Izzy,” Alec groans again. “How many times have I told you that my love for you extends only to the daylight hours.” 

“Don’t use your Prince voice on m,e big brother.” 

Alec can hear the pout in his little sister’s voice and it automatically makes his lips turn up. 

“You know that I am awake when the sky is awake!” Izzy jumps onto his bed, shaking him, and pulls his eyelids open with her fingers. “Do you wanna build a snowman?” Izzy asks in her sing songy voice.

Izzy knows he has him with that, and Alec allows her to drag him out of bed. 

“Come on come on come ON!” Izzy urges. 

They run down the hall giggling, but Alec almost plows into the back of her as she stops dead in her tracks. 

“Izzy!” Alec is about to scold, “What are—” 

“Let’s invite Jace!” Izzy pleads, “Please Alec, I want him to like me.” 

Alec looks at the closed door, concealing behind it the homeless orphan their cook found rummaging through the castle’s trash just a few weeks before. Alec’s parents, King Robert and Queen Maryse, immediately brought him inside the castle walls; running him a hot bath, and giving him warm food and clean clothes. Within a few hours, they knew he was meant to be part of their family, and Jace gratefully accepted the invitation to live with them. Jace is only a year younger than Alec, barely twelve, so Alec was excited to have a playmate his own age, especially another boy, for the first time in his life. What he was not expecting, however, were the strange feelings he found himself having for his new brother. 

“Of course he likes you, Izzy.” Alec assures her as he strokes her hair, trying to shake away the memories. 

“How do you know? He never wants to play with me when I ask him to, he only wants to play with you.” 

Involuntarily, Alec’s cheeks begin to heat up at the recollection of Jace’s first few days with them. He mostly stayed in his room alone, even meals were sent to him, and Alec’s parents urged him to give Jace his space, that he would come out when he was ready. Alec was over the moon when one day Jace shyly asked to hang out with him, as he had not yet approached the rest of his family. Alec took him on a tour of the castle, showing him his favorite spots. But Jace’s eyes lit up when he they reached the enormous library.  
Since then, they mostly read together in the library and talk about books, or go outside to compete in archery contests, much of the time spent in a companionable silence. But Alec treasures every moment they have spent together, because Jace feels the most comfortable around him. Alec even showed him a little of his ice magic, like making snow flurries fall down on them in the heat of the summer. Alec is pleased that Jace’s face is pure awestruck every time he does the simplest trick, it makes him feel special. 

“He’s just not used to being around other kids, Iz, especially seven-year-old girls. He was an only child, with just a father who raised him in the isolation of the countryside. I just think he doesn’t know how to play with you. And remember, he was on his own for a while outside on the streets, having to defend himself against some dangerous people. He just needs more time to adjust to having a safe home and other people that love him.” 

Izzy appears to think this over. “I think we should invite him to come with us, so he knows he is our brother and that we love him.” 

“You are so sweet,” Alec bends down and kisses her on the cheek. “I think he would like that.” Alec smiles at her and tries to keep the erratic beating of his heart to himself. 

Alec slowly opens the door and enters the dark room, Izzy right on his heels. Together, they tip-toe over to the bed. Jace is curled up on his side, facing the door, his blonde locks flopped over his face that is scrunched up as if he smells something unpleasant. 

Alec approaches the bed and cautiously extends his hand, barely nudging his shoulder. 

“Jace, it’s Alec and Izzy—” 

Jace’s eyes fly open the moment Alec’s fingertips touch him, and he immediately bolts upright with lightening speed, grabbing Alec by the neck and hurling him onto the bed.  
Before Alec can even cry out in shock, Jace has him pinned beneath him, straddling Alec’s hips and holding a knife to his throat. Izzy’s scream pierces the quiet of the room, and this seems to shake Jace out of his trance. His eyes widen as he looks down at Alec’s bewildered face. 

“Alec, please forgive me, I am so sorry—” Jace jumps off of Alec as if he has been burned and takes a few steps away from the bed. “Alec, please don’t tell your parents. They’ll send me to an orphanage. I can’t go, I can’t, I’m so, I wasn’t expecting you to—” 

Alec approaches him with his palms facing forward, trying not to spook him. Slowly, Alec wraps his hand around Jace’s, gently tugging for the knife, and Jace allows it to fall from his grip. Alec sets it on the nightstand then turns back to Jace, placing his hands on his shoulders, and looks into his eyes. Jace is openly crying, taking deep ragged breaths. In his eyes darting all over the room, all Alec can see is pure terror. 

“Jace,” Alec begins quietly, “please listen to me very carefully.” Alec waits till Jace looks up to meet his eyes before continuing. “First of all, I am so sorry that I scared you, I wasn’t thinking. After everything you have been through, I should have realized coming to your room in the middle of the night may be frightening. Second, you are our brother and I love you, Izzy loves you. Our parents are your parents and they love you to. You are now and forever a part of this family. Nothing you do, especially a minor misunderstanding such as this, which was completely my fault, will EVER get you sent away. Do you understand?” 

Jace simply nods his head at the completion of Alec’s speech. He exhales loudly in relief and pulls Alec against him roughly in a tight hug. 

Alec tries to ignore the strange thrill that runs through his body when he had just said “I love you” to Jace, how it felt different than when he tells his parents or Izzy the same words. Alec relishes in Jace’s firm grip on him, how he never wants him to let go. But too soon, Jace releases him. 

“I’m sorry, um,” Jace clears his throat, “what were you two coming to tell me before I behaved so rudely?” 

This makes Izzy giggle, when Jace imitates Alec’s “Prince talk”. 

“We wanted you to come and play with us,” Izzy beams up at him. 

“Play?” Jace repeats, as if the concept is completely foreign to him. “You want to play with me in the middle of the night?” 

“Precisely.” Alec smiles at him conspiratorially. 

“Because you are our brother, and we love you.” Izzy adds.

“Well that is a lovely invitation indeed, Princess Isabelle.” Jace curtsies in front of her then holds out his arm for her to take. “Shall I escort you?” Izzy giggles again and skips over to him. 

“And where may I ask are we going?” Jace directs at Alec. 

“To the ballroom,” Alec tells him as they begin to walk, “to build a snowman.” 

“Of course,” Jace nods. “Because what other activity would we partake in during the night time hours?” 

 

The three siblings proceed down the moon-lit hallways, trying to avoid the notice of any guards on duty. The trio successfully avoid detection and enter the ballroom, shutting the door, their laughter echoing around the massive space. 

“Do it, Alec, do it!” Izzy jumps up and down, clapping her hands together. 

Without further prompting, Alec extends both of his hands towards the ceiling, releasing a flood of magic. Flurries immediately start raining down on them and Izzy runs out to the center of the room, spinning in circles and throwing her head back, her nightgown flowing out around her. Alec flicks his hands, and ice skates appear on all their feet. 

“What do we need—” but before Jace can finish, Alec fills the floor with a sheet of ice. 

Jace’s arms flap out wildly, trying to keep his balance, but he still falls to his knees. Alec tries not to laugh as he glides over to him.

“Here,” Alec helps him to stand up, grasping his arm. “Have you ever ice skated before?” 

“Can’t say I have.” Jace barely gets out before he almost falls again. 

“Let me show you,” Alec holds out his hands and Jace takes them. Alec ignores the thrill of having Jace’s hands in his own, the way Jace clings onto him. Alec skates backwards expertly as Jace shuffles forward, looking much like a toddler waddling out their first steps. 

“I bet I look very tough and manly when I ice skate, right?” Jace’s eyes quickly flash up to him with a smile, trying not to lose his focus too long on his footing. 

“Well I wouldn’t really call this ice skating, I’m mostly just dragging you.” Alec remarks. At that, Jace’s eyes narrow playfully and Alec cannot help but laugh. 

“That,” Alec nods his head over at Izzy on the other side of the ballroom, skating figure eights and humming to herself, “is called ice skating.” 

They do another lap at negative speed around the ballroom, Jace crouching down and focusing on the floor the entire time, when Alec suggests, “How about I let go? See what happens.” 

Jace looks up at him skeptically. “We both know exactly what will happen, Alec. I’ll fall flat on my face.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall. I promise” 

Jace looks up at him then, and Alec momentarily starts to panic, thinking Alec’s feelings for Jace must be written all over his face. 

“Alright, let’s get this over with.” Jace cocks a smile. “I guess I sort of owe you, given how I almost slit your throat tonight. Me falling on my face in front of you will make us even.”

“Why did you even have that knife anyway?” Alec asks in seriousness. 

“I needed it when I was on the streets.” Jace tells him. “Sometimes other homeless people would try to rob me in my sleep. Or worse.” Jace doesn’t elaborate and Alec doesn’t ask. Being raised in total safety and stability in the palace, Alec cannot even imagine the horrors Jace has lived though. “It’s a habit I’m having a hard time breaking, being able to sleep soundly without that under my pillow, I mean.” 

“You know you’re safe here, Jace.” Alec reminds him softly, squeezing his hands in reassurance. “We won’t ever let anything happen to you.” 

Jace doesn’t respond, simply squeezes Alec’s hands back. After a few moments of silence, Alec asks, “You ready? I swear I won’t let you fall. You can trust me.” 

Jace looks up again, seeing nothing but honestly on Alec’s face. Jace sighs, “Ok,” and he lets go of Alec’s hands. Jace juts his arms out, and almost immediately comes to a stop. 

Alec snorts, “You need to keep moving, you know.” 

“Ohhh, so THAT’S what your legs are for?” Jace deadpans. “Fine, I see you won’t be satisfied until I am completely humiliated.” Jace sticks his nose in the air and readjusts his pajama shirt like he is wearing an expensive suit, trying to hold onto his dignity. He takes a deep breath and begins to move. 

Alec matches his pace, continuing to skate backwards, arms at the ready in case he stumbles. 

“Hey, you’re not half bad,” Alec praises. 

“Thanks a lot, now you just jinxed ME!” 

Suddenly, Jace is falling and Alec is flying forward reaching for him. Jace grabs onto him and almost tackles him in a bear hug, and Alec cannot do anything but fall backwards with Jace in his arms. Alec’s back slams against the ice and his breath whooshes from his lungs. Once they have stopped falling, Jace totally covering Alec with his own body, his head curled against Alec’s chest, Jace begins to laugh. 

“What did I tell you?” Jace lifts his head up just enough to look Alec in the eye. 

'By the Angel, Jace is so close to me.' Is all Alec can think. 

They are breathing the same air, and Alec cannot get enough oxygen into his lungs as they have ceased moving. 

Jace’s face falls a little, misunderstanding his silence. “Its ok, Alec. See? I’m fine. You kept your promise.” 

“Right,” Alec breathes, forcing himself to focus on anything else beside his proximity to Jace. 

“Oh, I should probably get off you now.” Jace laughs and crawls off him, sitting down on the ice-covered floor. 

Alec gulps in a deep breath before sitting up himself. 

“Alec?” Jace glances over at him. 

“Yeah?” 

“I’m really glad we’re brothers.” 

“Me too, Jace.”

Alec is trying to formulate in his brain how to broach the subject of “maybe I love you more than I should” without freaking him out and ruining everything when Izzy glides by on her skates and saves him from any impending awkwardness. 

“Alec!” she practically screeches as she comes to a stop in front of them. “Is it time for a snowman yet?!” 

“Of course,” Alec smiles at her. With a wave of his wrist their skates disappear, and the ice is covered with a blanket of thick snow. 

“Wow,” Jace breaths, looking around the room. “Alec, your gift is…wow, it’s really incredible, brother.” 

“Thank you.” Alec tries to keep his face from blushing. Jace has no idea how much his acceptance means to him. And not just his acceptance, but that he is so enraptured and enamored at what Alec can do. Jace doesn’t see Alexander, the future King of Arendelle. Jace just sees his brother and his special gift from the Angels.

“Come on, Jace!” Izzy grabs his hand, pulling on his arm, and Jace jumps to his feet with a big smile on his face.

“Now, I don’t really know how to do this. Can you show me?” Jace asks Isabelle. 

“Of course!” Izzy is clearly delighted. 

Jace turns back over his shoulder and gives Alec a wink, which makes Alec’s heart stutter in his chest. 

Alec stands back on the sidelines a bit as Jace and Izzy set about making a snowman, Izzy chattering directions at him the entire time. Jace is a natural with Izzy, he realizes, and it warms his heart to see them finally bonding, just like Izzy wanted. 

“No, the head can’t be bigger than the bottom!” 

“What if he was doing a head stand?” Jace suggests. 

Izzy erupts into a burst of laughter, and Alec swears it is one of his favorite sounds in the world. 

“Come ON, Alec!” Izzy demands when they have completed the body of the snowman. “You can’t just watch!” 

“I’m not, I was just waiting to put the final touches on him.” Alec tells her as he stands up. “Ready?” 

Alec swirls his hands around, the magic enveloping the snowman, and turns the ice into a talking creature. 

“Hi! I’m Olaf! And I like warm hugs!” The snowman tells them. 

“BY THE ANGEL!” Jace jumps back so fast he slips and falls on his ass. 

“It’s ok, it’s just Olaf!” Izzy tells him. 

“You can bring things to life?” Jace asks Alec, still not taking his eyes off of Olaf.

“Only snow people.” Alec assures him. 

“Hey guys, why are you all standing on the ceiling?” Olaf asks them. 

Izzy strikes up a game of tag with Olaf, which just amazes Jace to no end. The brothers stand there watching the unlikely duo trot around in the snow for a few minutes. 

“Jace, I,” Alec begins, but turns around to find that he is now standing alone. “Jace?” Alec whirls around, and is met with a face full of snow. 

“Oh, this is war,” Alec tells him. 

The two brothers chase each other around the ballroom, pelting each other with snowballs. Alec flicks his hands to create more mounds of snow for them to hide behind and camouflage themselves. 

Alec’s heart is beating wildly, his breathing heavy, his cheeks rosy from the cold he has created and also the exertion of running. He is just about to nail Jace- or so he thinks- when Jace flies out of nowhere and tackles him to ground. 

Alec yelps as his face crushes into the snow, Jace clinging onto his back. He manages to turn over, so Jace is once again straddling him, now pinning his arms above his head. Alec tries to wiggle free, but Jace has him. 

“I pinned you, brother!” Jace laughs out, leaning close to his face. 

With Jace’s close proximity, Alec stops struggling, and his breath catches in his throat. Alec feels his magic coursing through his body in a way he never has before, and the sensation immediately frightens him. Jace again misreads his silence. 

“Alec, you ok? Did I- “

But before Jace can finish, ice shoots out of Alec’s fingertips in powerful angry spurts. Jace yanks his hands back in surprise and jumps off of Alec, taking a few steps back. Alec sits up and tries to cover his hands between his pulled- up knees and his stomach, but the ice is still escaping, shooting daggers of ice all across the room. 

Panicking, Alec rolls onto his stomach, trying to control his magic, but to no avail. This only makes the magic more uncontrollable and unpredictable. Alec can feel the wildness in a way he never has before. It has always been docile in his blood, simmering beneath his skin with a complete ability to control every aspect of it. Now, he is at the magic’s mercy, and he has never been more terrified. The room becomes a whirlwind of hail and furious snowflakes, pelting their exposed skin in angry spurts. It is difficult for Alec to keep his eyes open. 

Izzy’s scream pierces the ballroom from the opposite side, her cry of pain echoing off all the walls. Jace’s eyes meet Alec’s. 

“GO GET IZZY!” Alec shouts at him. “I CAN’T CONTROL IT!” 

Jace simply nods and takes off running through the blizzard, the wind knocking him off his feet a few times. Alec watches him until he is obscured from view. 

“Get it together Alec, you can do this!” Alec shouts out loud. “You are the future King of Arendelle!” He closes his eyes, breathing deeply, reprimanding himself to focus and block everything else out. But it only takes him a moment to realize it is not the external stimuli that is distracting him, but rather the same thing that is always distracting him; Jace.  
Images of Jace flood his memory; Jace’s filthy skin and clothes when they found him rummaging through their garbage, how beautiful Alec thought his face was the first time he saw it clean and free of grime, the way he inhaled the first meal they gave him. Jace’s shy face when he asked to hang out with Alec, the way Jace’s face lit up when he first laid eyes on the library, his face scrunched in concentration or when he is thoughtful, the way his face glows when he laughs. Alec thinks about the feeling of Jace on top of him, and another wave of magic escapes him. 

Alec realizes with sudden horror all of this is happening because of his feelings for Jace. 

“NO!” Alec shouts. He can’t handle this anymore. Jace is his brother, he can’t have these types of feelings for him. He is supposed to grow up and marry another princess and have kids. What would his parents think? Would they still love a son that was in love with another boy? Would he be forced to abdicate the throne? What would his people say? Would they still want him as their ruler? 

Alec begins to sob, the weight of this reality hitting him for the first time. Not just that he has feelings for Jace, but that those feelings are making him lose control; a loss of control that may have just injured his sister. His feelings may not only make him an outcast, they also make him dangerous. 

Alec cries and cries on his hands and knees, his tears freezing in midair the moment they drip off his face. He cannot bear the thought of disappointing his parents, his people, of being an actual DANGER to people. And suddenly Alec is screaming. 

He screams and screams, the heartbroken sound tearing from his throat, passing through his lips like everything in the world is broken and can never be fixed again. His heart is breaking apart from his body, being crushed beneath the weight and fear of this newly discovered burden. 

And the blizzard stops. The room is completely silent. The ice and snow vanish from the room, and it is just Alec shaking and shuddering on the floor. He feels hollow, like he is missing an essential organ inside his body. And he realizes with a start, that for the first time he has expelled all of his stores of magic. Alec's head snaps up, and he spots Jace and Isabelle on the other side of the room. Izzy is laying across Jace’s laps, his arms holding her securely. 

“Jace,” Alec croaks out as he launches himself off the ground and runs to them. 

Alec reaches them and falls to his knees at their feet. “Is she ok? Did I hurt her?” 

“I think you struck her with your magic, look.” Jace indicates quietly to the blue streak in her hair. “She’s still breathing, but she’s very cold.” 

“I need to go get our- “ 

Right on cue, their parents storm into the room. 

“Alexander, what happened?!” King Robert demands. 

“I don’t know, father.” Alec tells him. “But Isabelle is hurt.” 

“Come quickly,” He demands, scooping Isabelle away from Jace. “I know where we have to go.” 

 

The family rushes into the night and boards the royal carriage, racing through the dark forest. 

“Father, where are we going?” Alec asks, watching his mother stroke Izzy’s hair. 

“To the trolls. They are the only ones that can help us. They alone have the information on all of the angel’s gifts. If something is going wrong with your powers, they are our only hope.” 

They ride the rest of the way in worried silence. Jace reaches out his hand and squeezes Alec’s knee in reassurance. But Alec flinches at the touch and Jace lets his hand drop. 

When they arrive at what appears to be a field of boulders, Alec clamps a hand over his mouth to keep in a hysterical laugh. His parents think that ROCKS will help them? But they all spill out of the carriage, and his mother starts calling out.

“Please, Grandpoppy!” Queen Maryse calls, holding Izzy to her chest. “We need your help!”

The rocks start to twitch then roll towards them, and Jace yelps, grabbing onto Alec’s elbow.

The boulders morph into little trolls before their eyes, their round bodies covered in moss and sprouting mushrooms.

“Please, can you help our Isabelle?” Queen Maryse pleads. 

“It was my fault, sir.” Alec tells him. “But it was an accident. I lost control of my powers.” 

The troll his mother called Grandpoppy looks to Alec with sad, knowing eyes. Then turns to place his hands gently on Isabelle. 

“Lucky it was her head and not her heart. The mind is easily manipulated, the heart, not so much.” 

A glowing white light emits from the troll’s hands. And with that light, comes a faint pink coloring back to Isabelle’s cheeks. She sighs deeply, like she is having a pleasant dream, and stirs in her mother’s arms. 

“It is done.” Grandpoppy bows his head in respect. “But I would like to have a talk with your son.” 

“Of course,” King Robert agrees immediately. “Thank you so much, Grandpoppy. If there is anything you ever need, anything at all, please let us know. We will never be able to repay you.” 

“Thanks are not necessary, Your Highness, I will always be happy to serve you in any way I can.” 

King Robert nods his head, then the family walks back to the carriage. Jace gives Alec a long look of concern mixed with encouragement before he turns away. 

“Prince Alexander,” Grandpoppy begins. 

“Please, call me Alec.” 

“Alec,” Grandpoppy amends. “I already know what happened here tonight, but please, tell me in your own words.” 

“Um,” Alec is momentarily taken aback. If the troll already knows, why doesn’t he just tell him?

“Well sir, I don’t really know. I have never lost control of my powers like that. Not once.” 

“How old are you, Alec?” 

“Thirteen.” Alec tells him. 

“Ah, then it is indeed starting.” 

“What is starting?” 

“Is there a young lady you fancy, Alec?” 

“WHAT?” Alec nearly shouts, his face burning. “No, there’s not. What does that have to do with anything?” 

“When those who are bestowed with gifts from the angel begin to reach the age of adolescence, it is very common for their powers to change as well. You begin to develop feelings for others, the beginnings of romantic attraction. This can cause you to lose control for a bit.” 

Alec does not think he face could flush any deeper. He is actually having "the talk" with a troll. 

“Is this the magical version of the ‘your body is going to go through a lot of changes’ talk?” Alec manages to ask, averting his eyes. 

“I suppose so.” The troll almost smiles. “But it is nothing to be ashamed of, Alec. Every one goes through it."

“So what you’re saying is, I could have KILLED my sister because I am going through magical puberty?” Alec demands, trying to contain his anger.

“Your sister is healed, Alec.” Grandpoppy gently reminds him. 

“But next time she may not be so lucky!” Alec shouts. 

“Alec,” The troll takes his hand, “This is something that can be controlled with time, maturity, and practice. Tell me, what was happening right before you lost control?” 

Alec’s face heats up again. “Nothing, we were just having a snowball fight.” But Alec flashes back to Jace tackling him, pinning his arms above his head, and how Alec wanted him to lean just a little bit closer—

Grandpoppy gasps as his hand is suddenly covered in ice. 

Alec yanks his hand back, horrified. “GRANDPOPPY! I’M SO SORRY!” 

“It is quite alright, my boy.” Grandpoppy assures him. “But I know there is something you are not telling me. That is fine, I respect your privacy. But just know this,” 

Grandpoppy takes Alec’s forearm with his other hand. “The more you try to hide from whatever you do not want to face, the more power and control it will have over you. It is only when you confront these feelings and are able to be open and honest about them that you will be able to completely manage your powers again.” 

 

The ride home is slower, less frantic, and Alec takes this opportunity to breathe in the summer air. Izzy is slumbering peacefully in her mother’s arms, but Alec cannot bear to look at her. 

“What did Grandpoppy tell you, Alec?” King Robert asks him. “Did he say what caused your outburst?” 

“Nothing specific.” Alec lies. “Just that it happens sometimes.” He leaves out ‘Oh yeah, and I lost control because I am completely in love with my brother but I can never tell any of you because it would ruin everything.’ 

“You don’t have to worry,” Alec tells them solemnly, “I won’t use my powers again. I won’t ever put my sister at risk.” 

“Alec,” his mother reaches out a hand, but again, Alec shrinks back from the touch. “None of us were thinking that. This is your gift-“

“FROM THE ANGELS, I KNOW.” Alec cuts her off angrily. 

“We would never ask you to stop using your gift.” Queen Maryse finishes. 

“You don’t have to ask, this is my decision.” Alec sets his jaw, looking away. 

“Alec, please, we don’t want that.” His mother sounds sad. 

“WELL MAYBE I DO!” 

“Ok son,” his father tells him gently. “We respect your decision. But please know that we hope one day you will change your mind and embrace you gift. I know this experience was frightening, Alexander. But please keep in mind that no King can be ruled by fear, or they will not be able to lead.” 

 

By the time they reach the castle grounds, dawn is appearing in the sky. The King and Queen take Isabelle to bed, but Alec stays behind. He walks away from the castle doors, not entirely sure where he is headed. After a few minutes, he realizes he is heading toward the archery targets. When he picks up the bow and quiver, the objects ground him in a way that nothing else does. Alec notches the arrow and pulls it back, his arm trembling slightly. He takes a deep breath, focusing, and releases the arrow, which hits the bullseye.  
Alec takes arrow after arrow, breathing and releasing, breathing and releasing, until his quiver is empty and the targets are full. 

“Nicely done,” Jace compliments from behind him.  
Alec startles and drops the bow. Only then does he realize that his hand is bleeding from the rub of the bow string. But he ignores this as he turns towards Jace and shields his eyes from the now-bright sun.

“Alec, please don’t blame yourself for this.” Jace tells him softly. 

“How am I NOT supposed to blame myself, Jace? THIS WAS MY FAULT.” 

“But it was an accident. And Izzy is alright now. She just woke up and she is asking for you.” 

“NO.” Alec tells him quickly. “That’s not a good idea.” 

“Why not?” Jace is clearly surprised. “Alec, Izzy doesn’t blame you, either. She needs her brother. And she was just asking to play with Olaf again- “ 

“I SAID, NO.” Alec shouts. 

They stand in silence for a moment, before Alec continues so softly his words are barely audible. 

“You don’t need me. Neither of you do. Just stay away from me and you’ll both be safe.” 

With that Alec takes off running towards the castle, ignoring Jace calling after him. He runs at full speed, startling countless servants and guards, until he is back inside the safety of his room. He slams the door shut, locking himself inside, and leans against the door panting, his heart pounding. Alec has to cover his mouth so the sobs won’t escape, but tears are already streaming down his cheeks. Alec holds his hands against his head and slides slowly down the door, sitting on the ground with his knees pulled up to his chest. 

“What have I done?” Alec cries out loud. “What have I done?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace is the best supportive brother a guy could ask for, and Alec runs into the most beautiful man he has ever seen! :)

“Alec?” Jace knocks on his door the following morning. “Please, Alec. I know you’re in there.” 

Alec had refused to leave his room the entire day. The servants left his meals outside the door, which he refused to touch. He passed the hours sitting on the floor, trying desperately to fall out of love with his brother in order to keep his sister safe. 

Alec does not respond, staring numbly at the entirety of his room covered in ice. 

“Alec, please.” Jace’s voice cracks from the other side. Alec hears a faint thump, which he assumes is Jace leaning his head against the door. “I just got a brother. A brother I have wanted my entire life…I don’t want to lose you.” 

Silent tears streak down Alec’s face.

“You know that I love you, Alec.” 

Flurries start to form in Alec’s hand, and he cries harder. 

“Please don’t shut me out,” Jace whispers so quietly that Alec is not sure if he was meant to hear it. 

After what feels like an eternity of silence, Alec hears Jace’s sigh and his retreating footsteps.

 

Alec spends his teenage years in what feels like a dream. Eventually, he has to come out of his room. He goes through the motions of his life; sitting through his lessons, eating meals with his family, being polite to the servants in the castle. But his life is empty, he has lost any sense of joy, anything that makes him feel alive. It is as if he is watching someone else occupy his body, like he is not really living, just existing. Alec stays true to his word; his family does not ever see him use his magic. 

He withdraws himself as much as possible, avoiding Isabelle almost entirely. But whenever social interaction is necessary, Alec tries to put on a happy face in front of his parents. Eventually, after countless rejections, Izzy stops asking him to play. He cannot help the crushing guilt he feels every time he sees that blue streak in her hair, as a reminder of what he did and who he is trying not to be. It is painful to watch Isabelle slowly lose faith in him, to see her look at him with hurt and anger instead of with love in her eyes like she used to. But Alec is doing this for her own protection. If this is the price to pay to keep her safe, so be it. 

When he is forced to spend time with Jace, he avoids conversing with him or looking at him as much as possible. They have gone from being brothers who love each other to acquaintances who are courteous and respectful, but nothing more. Some days, it is easier for Alec to be around him. But other days, the buildup of his powers is too much and he needs release. So, he gallops his horse Church deep into the forest to release his nervous magic where no one will be hurt. Alec had hoped that eventually he would be able to fall out of love with Jace and gain better control of his magic, but his unruly gift persists. 

 

 

One summer morning, the family is quietly eating breakfast together, when King Robert clears his throat. 

“Alexander,” he begins. 

Alec’s head snaps up at this, as he almost never uses his full name. 

“Yes father?” 

“Your mother and I have been talking, and, well, you are turning twenty- one in a few months…” 

“Yes…and?” Alec encourages him to finish. His father at a loss for words is rare. 

“We just thought that with such a milestone birthday you might be ready to settle down.” 

Alec chokes on his coffee. 

“You want to marry him off?” Izzy demands. 

“Isabelle,” Alec admonishes. He could not ever imagine speaking to his parents the way that his sister does. 

But Queen Maryse cuts in. “No, Isabelle, not ‘marry him off’ but maybe line up…possibilities. Set up some meetings, see if any girl catches your eye. That’s all. No one is forcing you to do anything, Alec. We just thought it might be time. That having a wife might make you happy.” 

“Mother, I am happy.” Alec tries to assure her, but Izzy snorts. 

“I don’t know who you think you are fooling, big brother.” Izzy shakes her head. “But we all know you have not been happy since before I had this blue hair.”

“Isabelle, that’s enough.” Jace steps in. 

Over the years, no matter how hard Alec has pushed Jace away, Jace has still always been there for him. 

“Contrary to popular belief, Isabelle, the future King is not always supposed to be ‘having fun’. There is a lot of responsibility that is on my shoulders that you could not possibly understand. I’m sorry if you think I am living my life the wrong way, but it is MY life.” Izzy scowls into her bowl of oatmeal, pressing her lips together tightly.  
Alec takes a deep breath before addressing his parents with a smile. “I would be honored to meet a few suitors, mother. I agree. I think it is time to settle down.”

 

Alec returns to his room after breakfast to change into his riding gear. Today is definitely a day to expel some ice in the depths of the forest. Suddenly his door slams shut and he startles, whirling around. 

“What the hell, Alec?” Jace demands, his arms crossed. 

“What?” Alec responds, not understanding his anger. 

“Why are you doing this?” 

“Doing WHAT, Jace?” 

“You know what! Why are you getting MARRIED?” 

“Jace, you’ve been a part of this family long enough to know how this work. I become the King, I get married, and have more heirs. What’s the problem?” 

“Alec, are you going to make me say it?” Jace asks quietly. 

“SAY WHAT?” Alec demands, getting angry now. 

Jace takes several steps forward into the room, and gets up into Alec’s face, looking him straight in the eyes. 

“That you’re not attracted to women.” 

Alec shoves Jace away from him, roughly pushing on his chest, but Jace catches himself. 

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?” Alec shouts. But his heart is pounding in his ears and the room is suddenly spinning.

“I know you think you have a crush on me, Alec. And it’s ok.” Alec is completely and utterly speechless. 

“It did take me a bit to figure out though, maybe a year after the incident with Izzy.” 

Alec does the math. Jace has known for almost SEVEN YEARS that he was in love with him???

“And after I figured it out, it was not hard to notice the signs. How you never looked at any of the girls around the castle, even during balls and such when they would be fawning all over you. Or the way you WOULD discretely check out the guys, especially when the guards would be going through training days in the summers.

Alec goes over the memories in his mind, of the yearly physical tests for all the guards that take place in the heat of the summer, where many would take their shirts off. Alec always thought he was being careful in his ogling, but obviously not. 

“It’s ok, Alec.” Jace repeats. “I just don’t understand why you would go through with a marriage to someone you could never love.” 

Alec is speechless. Everything he has done for the last seven years has been to try and hide his feelings from Jace, and in doing so, keep his family safe. But if Jace knew the whole time…

“How?” Alec manages to croak out. “How did you know?” 

“You would flinch when I tried to touch you, avoided eye contact. And you would blush when I told you I loved you. Those are just a few of them. You are not very smooth, my brother.” 

“How can you even call me that?” Alec’s throat is tight. “Aren’t you…disgusted with me?” 

“Never, Alec.” Jace places a hand on his shoulder which Alec doesn’t bother to shake off. 

“Why?” tears well up in Alec’s eyes. 

“Because one day, someone is going to love you heart and soul. The way you deserve to be loved in return. And I’m going to help you find him.” 

Alec laughs at this. “You are going to be my wingman?” 

Jace nods and smiles at this. Alec cannot help from pulling Jace in for a hug, and Jace laughs against his shoulder. Alec lets go, and the smile leaves his face. 

“You know that can never happen, Jace.” 

“Why not?” Jace’s brow furrows. 

“I have to get married and produce heirs. That’s the way this works.” 

“It doesn’t have to be. I want you to be happy.” 

“Doing my duty with make me happy.” 

“Oh, Alec,” Jace says sadly. 

“Don’t you pity me, Jace. This is the life I chose.” 

“No, it’s not.” Jace disagrees. “You did not choose to be the first born, you did not choose to have ice powers, and you did not choose to be attracted to guys. But you can choose what makes you happy, and that is being who you really are.”

Alec places his hands on Jace’s shoulders. “This IS who I am. I am the future King of Arendelle. And I’m going to get married.” 

 

Over the next several weeks, the King and Queen of Arendelle put out word that their son is looking to settle down, and their allied nations start sending over their eligible royal maidens that would make a suitable economical match by the boatload. Alec sits through endless teas and strolls through the garden with countless lovely women, who are all very pretty, but dull and lacking their own strong thoughts and opinions. They are all the same to Alec. He needs someone that would challenge him and keep him on his toes. Someone opinioned and also dependable, and as matter-of-fact about marriage as he is. He could not picture himself spending his life with any of these dainty airheads who look at him with attraction in their eyes. 

“That Jessica Hawkblue seemed nice.” His mother notes after the latest hopeful of the day has left.

“I suppose,” Alec responds distractedly. 

“Oh Alec, I wish you would tell me what you are searching for.” Queen Maryse sighs. 

“I’ll know when I see it, mother.” Alec smiles and kisses her cheek. “I’m going to go for a quick ride.”

 

Alec quickly changes into his riding clothes, needing the distraction to clear his head. He makes his way across the lawn towards the stables, where he sees the staff setting up equipment for the annual physical testing of the royal guards. A climbing wall has been erected, along with various obstacle courses and arenas for sparing. Alec makes a note to be more subtle while gawking over the men this year if Jace of all people had found his attraction so obvious. 

He shakes his head as if to clear the blush on his face as he strides inside the stables. 

“Good afternoon, Max.” Alec greets the young stable boy. 

“Good afternoon, Prince Alec.” Max bows, his floppy brown curls falling into his eyes. 

“Max, I told you, it’s just Alec.” Alec smiles at him and ruffles his hair. 

“Sorry P-, um, Alec. Will you be taking Church again?” 

“He is my favorite, I have to admit.” 

“But he’s so…grouchy.” Max’s face scrunches up unpleasantly and Alec laughs. 

“Perhaps that is why we have developed such a close kinship.” Alec muses. 

“Let me get him ready for you.” Max begins to take down the saddle from the wall. 

“That’s alright, Max. I can do it.” 

“But- “

“Here, I snagged these on my way out of the kitchen.” 

Alec hands him several chocolate chip cookies rolled up in a napkin. Max’s eyes widen. 

“Oh, thank you!” Max gives Alec a quick hug and Alec hugs him back. In the short time Max has been working at the castle, he has developed a sweet relationship with him that feels just like another brother to Alec. 

Max disentangles himself and rushes out of the stable to eat his snack. Alec hums as he adjusts Church’s saddle, always in higher spirits after talking to Max. He smooths back his gray mane, ignoring the ever-present scowl on his face. 

“And you wonder why no one else wants to ride you,” Alec teases the horse. 

In a swift and fluid motion, he mounts Church and gallops away from the castle grounds.

Alec has a lot to think about on his ride today. No longer does he need these rides as a necessity like he did as a love-sick teenager to release all of that unrequited angst. Of course there is the occasional bad day, but mostly he needs this solitude to calmly clear his mind and get his thoughts in order. Alec knows what path he must take. He knows it is time to marry- a woman- so his kingdom can have future heirs. Alec is resigned to the fact that this is his life. He was born to keep his family safe, to rule his kingdom, and to have a wife and children. And that is exactly what he is going to do. He ignores the sinking feeling in his stomach at the thought, and instead thinks about his impending marriage to a women with an odd sort of detachment. 

 

Alec returns from his ride at peace with his decision, knowing that this is what he has to do for the good of his family and kingdom. He is hopeful that he will find a woman he is compatible with, someone who would be a kind mother to his children and a graceful ruler at his side. He will not be the first to enter into a loveless marriage, but that does not mean he cannot find a nice companion with the capacity to grow fond of. 

He returns Church to Max at the stable and walks back across the lawn, glancing over at the progress the few remaining servants have made setting up the almost-completed obstacles. 

Alec does a double-take. 

Amid all the shiny metal contraptions reflecting the lowering sun, stands a man that instantly takes Alec’s breath away.

Alec stops dead in his tracks, his throat going dry, at the sight of the most beautiful man he has ever laid eyes on. He is shirtless, in loose fitting exercise pants and bare feet doing a bizarre sort of movement Alec has never seen before. His muscular chest and bulging arms are glistening with sweat. His skin is a gorgeously tanned, almost bronze color. His dark hair is shaved on the sides, floppy on the top, the longest strands touching his eyes. 

It appears like he is doing a cross between some kind of dance and exercise, but Alec cannot be sure. He moves like a cat, all grace and elegance, but also emanating absolute power. That is a man who is completely in control of himself, Alec is certain of without even speaking with him; someone who commands respect and attention. Alec cannot look away. His hands begin to shake with his ice powers about to make an unscheduled appearance.

“That’s the new instructor.” Jace says from behind him. 

Alec yelps out loud, ice shards shooting out of his palms and landing in the grass, startled at being caught ogling this attractive god of a man. This will take some time to adjust, Jace knowing about him.

“Um, yeah, I- right. Yes.” Alec responds, ever the eloquent speaker. 

“Wow, you’ve got it bad, brother.” Jace smirks. “Go introduce yourself.” 

“NO!” Alec shouts. His outburst catches the beautiful man’s attention and he looks over. But Alec quickly grabs onto Jace’s arm and forces him to start walking, looking at the ground as he does so. 

“Ow, Alec!” Jace laughs. 

Alec keeps a hold of his arm across the lawn, through the castle hallways, until he closes the door behind them in Jace’s room. 

“Jace, you know I’m looking to marry. You can’t…please don’t encourage this.” 

“Encourage what, exactly? That my brother be himself and not hide who he is? Wow, you’re right, I’m such a monster.” 

“Jace,” Alec sighs. “Please…just do this for me. I need you support right now.” 

Jace sighs. “Ok Alec. For you and your misguided wishes, I will support you.” Jace tells him. “But under protest.” 

“Thank you.” 

“But you still need to introduce yourself.” Jace smirks as he turns to leave. “As the future King, you need to over-see the training of the royal guard. And don’t think I won’t get a front row seat to that!” 

 

Alec leaves Jace’s room taking deep breaths. Jace is right, he is going to have to introduce himself. But how? Maybe if his parents are there he can get away with not having to speak too much. He paces nervously in the hallway before making a beeline for outside. Since he already took a ride on Church, he decides to do some archery to clear his head. Alec is so caught up in his thoughts when he rounds the corner outside, he does not notice anyone in his path. 

Alec smacks right into the shirtless and sweaty man, whose taut muscles feel akin to smacking into concrete. 

“Oh, I beg your pardon!” The man begins as Alec turns an impressive shade of red. He holds onto Alec’s forearms as if Alec is about to fall over. Which, Alec thinks, is probably pretty accurate. 

“Oh, I am so terribly sorry.” He begins again. But Alec still does not say anything as his gaze is entranced by his luminous golden eyes. “You wouldn’t happen to be Prince Alec, would you? You just look so much like your father, the resemblance is quick striking.” He drops his hands from Alec’s arms, and the place where his touch was feels suddenly cold. 

“What a way to make your acquaintance. Hello, I’m Magnus Bane.” Magnus extends his hand. 

Alec stares at it dumbly, like he has never performed a hand shake before. 

Magnus’ expression falls slightly, like he is not quite sure how to proceed, when Alec’s brain finally catches up with the rest of his body. 

“Right! Hi, um, you’re. Hi, right. I, uh, I’m Alec.” Alec stumbles through his words and awkwardly grabs onto Magnus’ hand too tightly. 

Magnus smiles playfully, immediately registering Alec’s obvious attraction, and that look alone melts the rest of the vocabulary insides Alec’s head into a big tangle of mush. Alec stares openly at the dark kohl lining his eyes, the earring studs completely outlining his ears. His attention refocuses when he realizes Magnus has said something and is waiting for a response. 

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Alec asks. 

“I said, I may need my hand at some point to teach your guards.” 

“RIGHT.” Alec says again and snatches his hand back. 

“I apologize for meeting you in such casual attire. But I was actually on my way to get cleaned up. How about we continue this conversation at dinner? Your parents invited me to discuss the particulars of the new training regime they are interested in implementing.” 

Alec simply nods his head in agreement. 

“Until later, Alexander” Magnus smiles as he walks away. 

Alec waits until Magnus is far out of hearing range to take a strangled breath in. 

‘Magnus Bane, what are you doing to me?’ Alec thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Malec has officially begun! :)
> 
> Come talk to me on Twitter! (freeleigh47)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is his usual stuttering and nervous self around Magnus, and Magnus shares something personal :)

Alec showers a total of three times before he is able to leave his quarters and even think about sitting down to dinner with Magnus Bane. Even now, with his skin practically scrubbed raw, the cold water he doused himself with is doing nothing to counteract the intense heat of his skin. He can feel his ice powers simmering underneath his skin, threatening to release and cause him to lose control. His fingers shake as he attempts once again to close the buttons on his dinner jacket. 

“Relax, Alec.” He tells himself in the mirror. 

But as he looks as his reflection, he knows that is never going to happen. His cheeks are flushed, and his face look clammy, like he has a fever. His eyes are alert and wild, looking too big and frantic on his face. 

“Ready for dinner?” Jace pops his head inside the door and Alec flinches. 

The smile falls from his face as he takes in Alec’s disheveled appearance. 

“Woah, brother. I was only teasing before. It’s going to be ok.” 

“HOW is it going to be ok, Jace?” Alec demands. “I can’t…even think about him without breaking out in a sweat and my powers keep…and I…I can’t…BREATH!” Alec rips his jacket off and throws it on the ground in a heap, a few ice shards escaping along with it. Alec drops onto the edge of his bed, burying his face in his hands. “I can’t do this Jace. You need to tell them I’m sick or something.” 

“Alec…” Jace places a sturdy hand on his shoulder. “You know you can’t hide from this.” 

Alec doesn’t say anything. 

Deep down, he knows Jace is right. And there is a part of him that wants to give into what he wants. To walk up to Magnus Bane and kiss him right there at the table in front of everyone. Declare to his parents that he is attracted to men, that he always has been. And that they need to find a way to be ok with it. 

But he knows he never would. His family and his kingdom mean too much to him. He thinks about all those years he spent trying to distance himself from Jace and hide who he really was from his family. And how, once he marries, he will have to continue to do so for the rest of his life. But he is the future King of Arendelle. This is his burden to bear.   
Alec takes a few more steadying breaths and stands up, picking up his discarded jacket and sliding his arms back through the sleeves. 

“Let’s go to dinner.” Alec says as he calmly walks from the room. He can hear Jace sigh behind him. 

 

“Ah, there you are!” King Robert calls out as Alec and Jace walk into the room. “I was just going to send someone after you.” 

“Hello Father, Hello Mother. Sorry to keep you waiting.” Alec kisses his mother on the cheek and takes his place at the table. 

“Good to see you again, Mr. Bane.” Alec declares with total calm, as he sits down next to Magnus. “I apologize for the delay.” 

“No apology necessary, Prince.” Magnus smiles. 

Alec takes in Magnus’ wardrobe and is utterly mesmerized. He has never seen a man dress as flashy as Magnus. His suit jacket is in a deep shade of indigo with some sort of swirly silver pattern stitched throughout the material. When Magnus breathes, the slight movement catches the light of the swirls like he is under a spotlight. The collar of his black shirt is unbuttoned quite low, the bare skin covered in necklaces, and his hands are adorned with rings. Alec thinks about how those hands would feel all over his skin…  
Alec tries to ignores his pounding heart, the sound of it pulsing through his ears like it will make his eardrums explode. He realizes his mother has said something. 

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” 

“I said, when did you meet Mr. Bane?” 

“No more than an hour ago,” Magnus steps in. “I was on my way inside to get cleaned up and we plowed right into each other.”

“You don’t say,” Jace mutters into his wine glass, trying to hide his smirk. 

Alec shoots him a warning glare across the table. He takes a swig of ice water from his glass to try and clear his thoughts. 

“So, Mr. Bane.” Alec begins. “What land do you hail from?” 

“Well, originally Indonesia. But for most of my life I have grown up in the land of Brooklyn.”

“I’m sorry, I’m not familiar.” 

“I wouldn’t expect you to be. It is quite far from here.” 

“So what brings you to the area?” 

“I have been traveling, honing my skill set. Brooklyn was beginning to feel a bit stagnant and I felt myself losing touch a bit.” 

“And what exactly is your skill set?” 

“Goodness, Alexander, let the man eat a few bites in between questions!” King Robert laughs. 

Alec tries not the flush and takes another swig of water. 

“It’s quite alright. It is nice to have someone so interested in what I do.” Magnus smiles at him, with that mischievous glint in his eye. 

Alec has to force his lungs to move air in and out in and out in and out. 

“Why are you so chatty?” Izzy accuses, speaking for the first time. 

“Isabelle, don’t be rude.” Queen Maryse chides. 

“It’s a fair question. To get Alec to even look at me most of the time I have to perform a satanic ritual while balancing on my head in nothing but my underwear. But with Mr. Bane he can’t stop talking.” 

“ISABELLE.” Her mother is horrified. 

Magnus covers his mouth, but a laugh escapes regardless. 

“I like you,” Magnus nods at Izzy. Izzy smiles triumphantly at her parents and returns to her meal. 

 

For the rest of dinner, Alec keeps silent, his head swimming with a million questions and twice as many dirty thoughts that end with Magnus in Alec’s bed later tonight. 

“That was a lovely meal. Thank you so much for the invitation.” Magnus thanks them. 

“It was our pleasure, Mr. Bane.” Queen Maryse smiles. 

“Now if you would excuse us, Alexander has promised me a tour of the castle.” 

Alec’s head snaps up at this. 

“Of course, Mr. Bane.” Queen Maryse rises, smiling at Alec. No doubt pleased at the thought of her son taking so much initiative to make their guest feel welcome when he normally avoids newcomers. 

Alec’s family all stands up to leave, Jace giving him a knowing smile, Izzy eyeing him suspiciously. When it is just the two of them, Magnus stands up. 

“Well come on,” Magnus smiles. “This tour isn’t going to lead itself.” Magnus smirks as he turns to leave the room. Alec allows himself one moment to watch his tight ass through his pants receding from his view before leaping up and following him.

“Why did you do that?” Alec asks when they’re outside. 

“We didn’t get to finish our conversation during dinner. This way we won’t be interrupted.” 

“Right…” Alec tries and fails to hide the pleasure obvious all over his face at the thought, that Magnus wants to spend time alone with him. Alec wants to ask so many personal questions, he doesn’t know where to start. So he starts with the safe ones. 

“What exactly will you teach the guards?” 

“Martial arts and yoga.” 

Alec looks at him blankly. 

“It is not enough for a guard to be able to use a sword. Martial arts teaches you balance, stability, and agility. Yoga is about strength, control, and how to use your entire body as a more effective line of defense.”

Alec says nothing at first, just watches his face for a moment. 

“You know, I could teach you as well.” Magnus offers. “Giving you private lessons, of course. Free of charge.” 

Alec swallows, his throat suddenly dry. Can he handle time alone with Magnus? Especially when he’s not wearing a shirt? He knows exactly what that impressive suit jacket his hiding underneath…

Alec hears himself agreeing without consciously deciding to do so. “That would be very kind of you, Mr. Bane. But of course, I would pay you for your time.” 

“Unnecessary, happy to do it.” Magnus smiles over at him. “I insist.” Magnus briefly touches his forearm, and his touch scorches Alec’s nerve endings through his clothes. Alec clears his throat and looks away. 

“So, um. You already know this area.” Alec gestures around lamely. They have reached the lawn with the course set ups. “The stables are down there. Um, I can show you the archery targets. Back this way.” 

Alec takes a few steps ahead, breathing in and out in and out in and out. Magnus catches up in a few strides. 

“Your parents are lovely.” Magnus notes out of the blue. 

“They’re the best.” Alec responds, pleased that Magnus has noticed. 

“It is not every parent that would so readily accept a son with special powers.” 

“It is a gift from Raziel,” Alec responds automatically. 

“Of course, it is a great honor. But not everyone sees it that way.” Magnus’ eyes glaze over a bit, and Alec fights the overwhelming urge to take hold of his hand. 

“Is that what happened with you?” Alec inquires softly, trying not to over-step. 

“It is true, I was given a gift as well.” Magnus tells him. “But mine was not from the Angels. My mother could not handle the shame.” 

“You mean…You have a gift from Lucifer?” 

Magnus nods. 

A gift from Lucifer can be dangerous, Alec knows. All children endowed have some sort of mark, showing them as exceptionally powerful. He realizes that must be where his beautiful eyes come from, such an unusual shade of amber. 

Since Lucifer is a fallen angel, some view his gifts as demonic and cast out their children who are given his gifts. It can be extremely dangerous to possess such gifts and there are still prejudices out there. Alec’s parents told him that his birth helped to ease some of those prejudices in their kingdom, as they became involved in creating initiatives and charities to help the families of those children, even passing stricter laws banning discrimination. But in other kingdoms, individuals could still be shunned or even killed. 

“And you trust me enough to share this?” Alec wonders, pleased beyond belief. 

“Yes,” Magnus tells him bluntly. “I don’t know why. But I do. Perhaps…I can sense you understand what it’s like.” 

“And what is your gift?” 

“I can do a few things. For one I can conjure up objects that I have once held or touched before. And I can also heal people.” 

“You can…you have MAGIC?” Alec’s eyes widen. He refers to his own powers as magic, but it is not truly. His ice powers are essentially a manipulation of the elements, a creation of Raziel. But actual magic is the rarest and most powerful of all the demonic gifts from Lucifer. 

Magnus nods. “That is why I developed my specific skill set in the first place. My powers were dangerously wild and unpredictable, and training in martial arts and yoga helped me get my own body under control. And they can help you, too.” 

“Can you show me something?” Alec blurts. 

This clearly amuses Magnus, seeing Alec so excited, and they both stop walking.

“Alright, so I can’t conjure anything I want. Like I said, it has to be something I’ve touched before.” Magnus closes his eyes and snaps his fingers. In a flash of blue sparks appears Alec’s riding jacket from earlier. 

“WICKED!” Alec blurts out again. “I mean, I, um I mean that in a cool way, obviously, not like, an evil way.” Alec stammers, his face heating. And the stab of pleasure of Magnus holding his jacket is overwhelming, knowing he can only conjure it because he touched it, because he touched ALEC earlier…

Magnus laughs out loud. He snaps his fingers again, and the jacket disappears, presumably back to Alec’s bathroom floor where it was.

Alec notes that the sun is beginning to set, the low light illuminating half of Magnus’ face in a way that makes Magnus look like he is an angelic being, glowing. Alec looks around to distract himself, anywhere but at Magnus’ smiling face.

“This is um, right, the uh, archery.” Alec gestures around. “Have you ever shot a bow and arrow before?” 

“Can’t say that I have.” Magnus walks over and picks up a bow. “Would you show me?” 

Alec’s brain short circuits. “YES,” Alec says a little too loudly and clears his throat. “I mean, yes, of course.” 

Alec instructs Magnus how to notch the arrow, the correct form and posture.

“You have your elbow up a little too high.” Alec tries to calm the tremors in his hands as he lightly places his fingers on Magnus’ elbow, pushing down slightly. 

“There,” Alec breathes, knowing he is entirely too close to Magnus. But Magnus doesn’t seem to mind, so he doesn’t step back. “Now take aim, inhale, and release the arrow.” 

Magnus lets the arrow fly, and it sticks in the outer edge of the target. 

“Excellent,” Alec praises. “I think you’re a natural, Mr. Bane.” 

“I’m only as good as my teacher,” Magnus responds as he turns around. 

Alec can no longer force his lungs to move, Magnus is standing so close to him. Alec has a flashback to that first moment with Jace, wrestling in the snow, when he realized he was in love with him, or thought he was in love with him. Looking back, those feelings were comparably insignificant, entirely tame and innocent, compared to the all-consuming intensity of what he is feeling now staring into Magnus’ golden eyes. Magnus has him completely entranced. Alec feels as if his skin is about to combust, to break out in flames, if he doesn’t reach out and touch him. His ice magic is simmering beneath his skin, threatening to burst him apart from the inside out. But Alec doesn’t care. Magnus’ eyes ruin him, one look causing all rational thoughts to leave Alec’s head. 

There is a crackle of electricity between them, charging the air. Alec can feel Magnus’ breath stirring his hair, and Magnus looks down at Alec’s lips. Unable to stop this gravitational pull urging him towards Magnus, Alec leans in even closer, his hand reaching out to grab onto Magnus’ waist. Magnus’ eyes start to close, and—

“Alec!” Jace calls. 

Alec jumps back from Magnus as if he has been electrocuted. He runs his hand over his face in frustration and embarrassment. Magnus is straightening his jacket, as if just Alec’s gaze alone disheveled him. 

“What?” Alec shouts back. 

“Your father is looking for Mr. Bane! He wants to go over a few details about tomorrow!” 

“I suppose that’s my cue,” Magnus sighs. He begins to walk past Alec, then pauses. “Goodnight, Alexander.” He almost whispers, leaning in close. 

“Goodnight, Magnus.” Alec whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me on Twitter! (freeleigh47)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus flirts shamelessly, and Alec's teenaged angst comes back with a vengeance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end notes for a little author ramble :)

Alec gives Magnus a few minutes head start then follows his path back up to the castle, where Jace is waiting outside the door. 

“Sorry to be such a cockblock,” Jace tells him. 

“Ugh, please don’t say that,” Alec grimaces. “And you’re fine.” 

“Really? So you weren’t just about to kiss Mr. Bane?” Jace challenges, crossing his arms with a smirk fighting to break out across his face. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec tells him as he walks past him into the castle. 

“Alec…” 

He is striding down the hallway quickly now, and can hear Jace taking quick steps to catch up with him. 

“You can hide who you are from your parents, Alec, but you can’t hide from me.” Jace mutters under his breath so a passing guard will not over-hear. 

They walk the rest of the way to Alec’s room in silence. When they reach the door, Alec turns, and in a formal tone tells him. “I think I am going to turn in for the night, Jace. I have quite a long day of meeting prospective wives tomorrow.” 

“Of course,” Jace nods his head, matching his serious tone. Then the Jace smirk is back. “You also have a long day of over-looking guard training.” 

Alec can feel his face blanche. 

“Have fun tomorrow.” Jace pats his shoulder, then turns and walks away, letting out a short laugh as his figure recedes from Alec’s view.

 

Alec tosses and turns for most of the night, plagued by thoughts of Magnus and their almost-kiss. In nothing but his boxers, his skin is still feverish. The sensation of merely his sheets touching him is too much stimulation on his body. Finally, he gives up on sleep and walks back to his shower, turning on the cold water and sits down on the ground. He swears he can hear the sizzle of the water hitting his enflamed skin.

Suddenly, the ground beneath him is cold, and Alec gasps. His hands have caused the shower floor to turn to ice. He yanks his hands up. 

A gut-sinking feeling of absolute terror courses through him. He is losing control again. In a way he has not since those first few years he had a crush on Jace. He thought he could hide this, pretend that he was not attracted to men, and carry out his duty like he is expected to. But with his hidden feelings now overtly visible because of his out of control powers, there is no way to conceal this. 

“Conceal, don’t feel. Conceal, don’t feel. Conceal, don’t feel.” Alec repeats his mantra over and over, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, trying to force the feelings out of his mind.   
But then an image of Magnus smiling in the setting sun, then starting down at his lips, pops unbidden behind his eyes. And Alec cries out as the force of ice shooting from his palms slams him back against the shower. 

Alec curls up on the ice covering the floor in defeat, trembling and crying. 

“Please, Raziel, make it stop. Please, please.” 

Alec’s tears freeze on his cheeks the moment they emerge. Wrapping his arms around his knees, Alec holds himself as close as he can, trying desperately to keep his entire insides from shattering apart.

 

Alec startles awake, still on the frozen shower floor. At some point during the night, he must have turned the water off. But the evidence of his losing control is everywhere; on the frozen ground, which has begun to melt, the chunks of ice shards scattered across the floor. Snowflakes are even floating in the air, looking entirely too peaceful given the pain their very existence has caused Alec. 

On trembling limbs, Alec stands up. He shuffles over to the sink, avoiding the sharp pieces of ice, and looks in the mirror. He has dark circles under his eyes, the tips of his hair are frozen. His skin is covered in red splotches, alternately cold to the touch or emanating heat on any given area. His boxers are soaking wet from melted ice and sticking uncomfortably to his skin. 

Alec discards his wet boxers and runs himself a warm bath. He sits down in it only long enough to melt the ice sticking to his skin and immediately steps out, drying himself off.   
He dresses for the day mechanically, his mind having blown an emotional fuse the night before, and he now looks at his reflection with an odd sense of detachment; like he is watching someone else button their shirt and run a comb through their unruly hair.  
“Future King of Arendelle,” He tells the man in the mirror. “You can do this.” 

 

His mother’s eyes widen at the site of him approaching the breakfast table. 

“Alexander, are you sick, honey?” she jumps out of her chair, reaching out to feel his forehead. 

“I’m fine, mother.” Alec assures her. “Just didn’t sleep well last night. That’s all.” 

Alec notes in equal parts disappointment and relief that Magnus is not there. Alec looks at the empty chair he occupied the night before, and his mother fills in the blank to his unasked question. 

“Mr. Bane wanted to get an early start, took breakfast in his room hours ago. He is down on the training field already for whenever you want to go down and say hello. That is where your father is now, to oversee the first few hours of his new approach. I have to say, I am very pleased with the initiative you have taken in showing Mr. Bane our Arendelle charm and hospitality, Alec.” His mother smiles and affectionately pats his cheek. Alec smiles back in response.

“You have a girl waiting for you.” Izzy interrupts the sweet mother-son exchange. 

“Right, Lydia Branwell.” His mother’s face practically lights up. “I have a good feeling about this one, Alec. She has a strong head on her shoulders.” 

“I wish you had told me sooner, mother. I promised to help oversee the training right after breakfast today.” 

“Oh, dear.” She frowns, “You can at least stop in to see if I’m right, it doesn’t have to be a dragged-out rejection. And if I’m right, you can always set up another appointment.” She smiles at him.

“Well I guess I shouldn’t keep her waiting any longer then, now should I?” Alec notes as he takes a quick sip of his coffee without even sitting down, eager to be anywhere else that is not under his mother’s watchful gaze. He kisses her on the cheek on his way out, ignoring Jace’s annoying look of superiority all together. 

Without even pausing to take a deep breath, Alec strides purposefully into the drawing room where all the young ladies have been shown to wait for him. But the second he walks into the room, an unknown projectile is flying towards his head, and he just barely catches it before it smashes into his face. 

“Wow, nice reaction time. I’m impressed.” Presumably Lydia Branwell notes. 

“What…” Alec is lost for words. She was testing his reflexes? “I have to say, Ms. Branwell, this is not typically how these sorts of acquaintances begin, in my experience.” 

“Pity,” she smirks at him. 

Alec takes in the whole picture that is Lydia Branwell. She is standing at attention, almost like one of his guards, with her hands clasped loosely together behind her back. Her hair is pulled back away from her face in a no nonsense braid, with minimal make up on her face. She has an intense sense of presence, exuding confidence and total composure. Almost like…Alec won’t even allow himself to say his name. But immediately, Alec is beginning to like this one. 

Alec looks down at the object in his grasp. “Why, may I ask, did you throw your shoe at my head?” 

“I have to make sure any husband of mine can protect himself. My last husband was more of an intellectual, and never took his self-defense training seriously. He’s dead now.” She tacks on at the end nonchalantly, almost like an after-thought.

“I’m very sorry, Ms. Branwell.” 

She shrugs. “Live and learn. I had to make sure you were sturdier than the last one before this went any further.”

“I believe this is yours.” Alec hands back her shoe.

“Wow, and a gentleman, giving me back my own property.” She notes sarcastically, which only causes Alec to smile. 

“I have to say, Ms. Branwell, I find your outlook on marriage refreshing. I’ve been looking for more of a practical relationship, with someone that would challenge me, a woman who has a mind of her own. You definitely seem to fit that description.” Alec barrels ahead before that little voice of doubt in his head makes him second-guess himself. 

“Now I’m terribly sorry, but my mother seems to have over-booked my appointments and I’m afraid I am needed to over-see the training of the guards right now. But would you care to set up another meeting with me? To get to know each other a little better?” 

“I would like that very much.” Lydia extends her hand, and Alec shakes it. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Alec.” 

“The pleasure was all mine, Lydia.” 

 

Alec walks down to the lawn with his heart full of hope. Maybe he can really do this. Maybe he can marry Lydia and be almost happy. It won’t ever be exactly what he wanted, but with her, maybe it wouldn’t be completely miserable. 

He reaches the lawn, and he knows immediately what his eyes are searching for, and it is not hard to find. 

Magnus Bane, commanding the attention of almost all of his guards, in nothing but his loose-fitting pants, bare feet, and bare chest. Alec’s mouth goes dry as he watches him do the exercise-dance combo from yesterday. But this time, his men are trying their best to follow his movements. Compared to Magnus, his men are moving like floundering toddlers taking their first steps. 

He forces his feet to keep moving, to look at the guards so he is not caught gawking and drooling over Magnus. 

“Hello, father.” Alec greets King Robert where he is standing under the shade of a near-by tree, observing the troops.

“Hello, son. Fine group of men we have in the guard this year, wouldn’t you say?” 

Alec simply nods, not trusting his voice.

“Mr. Bane is teaching them tai-chi.” King Robert tells him. Alec is grateful he did not have to ask, not sure how Magnus’ name would sound from his lips. 

“Looks like they’re dancing in slow motion.” Alec notes. 

His father nods. “Mr. Bane was telling me all about it, quite fascinating. It should only take a few weeks to see improvement.” 

“Weeks, plural?” Alec turns, trying to mask his alarm. “Testing is only supposed to be one week.” 

“Mr. Bane explained the time frame it normally takes for men to pick up these new skills and see improvement. We are going to test them like we normally do this week, then again in about a month, depending on their progress, to see the difference. Mr. Bane assured me he is so confident in his methods, that he would wave his fee if I was not completely satisfied.”

Alec nods as if he had been listening intently, but truthfully, he missed most of it. 

‘Magnus Bane, here at the castle for four weeks’ Alec marvels in his head. His pulse quickens at the thought, and a feeling of excitement builds deep in his belly. 

“Ah, looks like they are breaking for breakfast. I have more business to attend to in my office. You’ll take it from here with Mr. Bane?” 

“Of course, father.” Alec assures him, trying to force himself not to smile. 

King Robert turns to go, then pauses, placing his hands on Alec’s shoulders, looking his son straight in the eyes. 

“I am so proud of the man you are becoming, Alexander.” 

Alec smiles at the compliment, but a small piece of his heart fissures inside, knowing he is walking a dangerous line of losing that respect. 

“Thank you, father, I won’t let you down.” 

 

Magnus is sitting on the ground as Alec approaches, his legs spread out wide at his sides, leaning forward in a stretch. He sits up to reach for the bottle of water next to him and notices Alec, a wide smile spreading across his face. 

“Why hello there, Your Highness, enjoying the view?” he cocks an eyebrow. 

Alec can feel himself blushing as his eyes dart around, seeing if anyone else is within hearing distance. 

“Relax, Alexander, they all went to breakfast.” 

Alec sees that he is correct, they are almost entirely alone out here now, no one within ear shot.

He has no idea what he intends to say, but what comes out is, “You are very…flexible.” Alec’s eyes dart down to Magnus’ spread legs again involuntarily, and his blush deepens.   
“Indeed I am, thank you for noticing. It comes in handy for…other…physical pursuits.” 

Magnus is toying with him, and Alec cannot help but be intensely pleased. 

“My offer still stands, you know. I could teach you so many things about your body.” Magnus’ smile is absolutely shameless. “I’m free this afternoon, if that works for you. That is when the other visiting instructor will continue with their standard training and testing.”

Alec cannot find the words, he simply bobs his head up and down. 

“Perfect. We can meet right here. One o’clock sharp.” 

 

On his walk back across the lawn, Alec cannot even remember if he said good bye to Magnus. Staring at Magnus’ glistening muscles up close was making him lose any rational thought. When he felt his powers threatening to make an appearance, he had to bolt as quickly as possible. 

“What am I doing?” Alec mutters out loud. 

He knows he should not have agreed to let Magnus train him. He should be focusing on his impending courtship with Lydia. But he just can’t help it. He wants to spend every single moment he can with Magnus. Alec wants to know everything about him; his likes and dislikes, his hopes and dreams, what kind of music he enjoys, his favorite books, how he likes his eggs cooked, how he takes his coffee, is he always an early riser? What is Brooklyn like? Is he proud of his powers, even if his family apparently wasn’t? And how did he possibly become so comfortable in his own skin? 

Without even consciously deciding to do so, Alec realizes he has walked to the stables. 

“Your Hi- I mean, Alec, are you alright?” Max’s face is concerned. 

“Fine, Max, just didn’t sleep well. Is Church ok to go?” 

“He’s all yours.” Max tells him. 

 

Alec is racing through the forest to his usual angsty release point, blinded by thoughts of Magnus. He narrowly avoids a few tree branches to the face, and he swears he can hear Church laughing at him. 

Alec always knows where to stop riding, the evidence of his destruction obvious. He has sliced through many trees with his powers over the years, their broken trunks and bending branches in various stages of decomposition. He always ties Church up to the same spot, behind a cairn of rocks where he will be safe and out of the line of fire. Alec barely makes it around the bend of the cairn before his magic explodes out of him. 

With a feral scream, Alec lets loose, his cries echoing through the depths of the forest. He screams and screams, tears pricking his eyes, as ice erupts from his fingertips. The still summer air suddenly turns frigid, and the cold wind whips painfully at his exposed skin, the snowflakes pelting his eyes. Alec screams into the void of the blizzard he has created, begging anyone or anything to hear his suffering, hear the sound of his heart shattering to pieces, and make it stop.

When the worst of it has passed, Alec falls to his knees, shuddering from the toll it has taken on his body. He almost does not have the energy to cry, but the tears fall down his cheeks anyway. His throat thick, he wipes his cheeks with the palms of his hands. 

Alec looks around at the carnage his powers have caused this time, and it has to be the most severe damage yet. The surrounding forest looks like it is the midst of a harsh winter, not the peak of the summer. Almost every tree has been felled by his power, seemingly cracked in half by the hand of a giant. 

He wipes his face one last time, clears his throat, and smooths his hair. Alec stands up, totally composed with the dignity befitting a future King. With erect posture and purposeful steps, he walks around to fetch Church, and gallops back to the castle without another backward glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably my favorite chapter to write so far, specifically the scenes of Alec entirely losing control of his powers. Those kinds of scenes are why I decided to connect Alec and Elsa in the first place. Both of them struggling so hard to hide who they really, that fear of not being accepted by their family and trying to be someone they're not. I connect so much with both of these characters. 
> 
> And don't worry, there is Malec fluff coming in the next chapter :) 
> 
> This was also my last finished chapter I had (I waited to start posting until I had an idea of where I wanted the story to go), but don't worry! I'll keep working on it as much as I can! That pesky grad school homework just gets in the way sometimes. 
> 
> Come talk to me on Twitter! (freeleigh47)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec receives his first yoga lesson from Magnus! Just some cute Malec fluff :)

Alec stares mindlessly at the pages of books in the library for a few hours without actually reading any of the words. His mind is too consumed with thoughts of Magnus to be able to focus on the words in front of him. After what seems like an eternity of waiting, it is finally time for Alec’s private lesson with Magnus. He practically runs to his room and changes into loose black sweat pants, tennis shoes, and a plain black t-shirt. 

Since expelling so much of his magic earlier in the forest, and also the night before in his bathroom, Alec is mentally and physically exhausted. But the thought of seeing Magnus is like a shot of caffeine straight into his blood stream. He ignores all the voices in his head telling him that this is a bad idea, and walks to the lawn to meet Magnus. 

Magnus is waiting for him in much the same position as earlier, sitting on the ground stretching. But this time, after being in the summer sun for hours, he is visibly sweatier. His feet are touching, pulled closed to his body, with his knees pointing outward. Magnus’ eyes are closed, palms resting open on his knees. 

Just as Alec is about to alert him to his presence-right after he is done ogling him of course- Magnus speaks. 

“Right on time,” Magnus smiles without opening his eyes. 

“What are we doing today?” Alec asks, his voice coming out a little higher pitched than he intended.

“That depends. Did you eat lunch yet?” 

“Um, no.” Alec finds this to be a strange first question. 

“Good, then we’ll start with the basics of yoga.” Magnus opens his eyes and smiles up at him. “But you don’t want to do that on a full stomach. Then you’ll taste your lunch a few more times in the process.” 

Alec is glad that his near hysteria over seeing Magnus took away his appetite. 

“I wanted to start with yoga, then perhaps work our way up to tai-chi; that is what I was doing with your guards this morning. You seem to be a rather jumpy sort of fellow, and tai-chi is not the most forgiving form of exercise when you have a lot of excess energy.” Magnus explains. “I have some extra yoga mats no one else has sweated on yet. Come a long.” 

Magnus stands up and Alec follows him, mesmerized by the many defined muscles of his back. 

Magnus hands him a rolled-up mat and a bottle of water. “So where did you want to do this? I was thinking in the shade.” 

“There’s um,” Alec clears his suddenly dry throat. “There’s a grove of trees down by the stables.” 

“Perfect. Lead the way.” Magnus gestures with a smile. 

Alec also could have added ‘And if we stand in just the right spot, we will be invisible to anyone walking by, because I really don’t trust myself around you.’ 

They walk side by side, and Alec is struck with the bizarre desire to hold Magnus’ hand. To distract himself, he starts babbling, the words falling from his mouth in quick succession. 

“I like to come here to read sometimes, it’s pretty quiet and a little secluded. But not so secluded that I’m too far away from the castle if I’m needed. It’s also close to the stables, which I said already. I stop by there a lot, too. The stable boy’s name is Max, he’s a good kid. I sneak him cookies from the kitchen.” Alec risks a glance over and sees Magnus fighting a smile, trying to press his lips together in a tight line.

“Um, yeah.” Alec finishes. He opens his bottle of water and takes a drink, just to put something in his mouth and block anymore words from escaping.

“You are just so cute when you’re nervous.” Magnus tells him, his smile finally breaking free. 

Alec smiles at the ground, pleased by the compliment enticed from his incessant babbling. 

 

They enter the grove of trees, and somehow, the privacy puts Alec at ease a bit, knowing they are away from watchful eyes. He doesn’t understand how it happened, but in only just meeting Magnus, he has a sense of unmistakable trust in him. Maybe partially because Magnus already shared some highly personal details about his own life with him. Alec is itching to ask him more questions but bites his tongue, not wanting to pry or seem too eager. 

Magnus spreads out his mat in the middle of the shaded grove, and Alec follows suit.

“Alright, shoes off.” Magnus instructs.

Alec complies, peeling off his shoes and socks, and stands on the mat. 

“Now, lesson number one. Yoga is about balance, control, and the mastery of your own body. In doing so, one must learn to calm their mind through paying attention to their breathing and what their body is telling them. Yoga is utilizing your body in the most efficient way possible. With me so far?” 

Alec nods in affirmation, shaking the nerves from his hands a bit. 

“Now take a deep breath in,” Magnus closes his eyes, leaning his head back, and raises his arms slowly, clasping his hands above his head. 

Alec follows, already self-conscious. 

Magnus continues to methodically explain all of the moves to the beginning sequence, demonstrating as he does so, and Alec finds his voice calm and soothing. He would listen to him speak on literally any subject and still be just as eager to hear the words fall from his lips. Magnus explains the muscle groups each pose targets, and which areas each pose allows for the deepest stretches. 

“Now with downward dog, it is important to try and attain as deep of a stretch as possible in your hamstrings.” 

Alec can feel Magnus’ eyes on him as his body is bent over in a triangle formation, his hands and feet flat on the ground, his t-shirt slipping up his body and exposing the lower half of his stomach.

“Just starting out, I don’t expect you to be as limber as I am. But it would be helpful if you adjusted your hips a bit to allow—” 

Magnus’s fingertips barely graze Alec’s sides before he yelps at the contact and bolts upright.

Magnus lets his hands drop with a surprised yet amused smile on his face as he watches Alec take a nervous step backwards.

If Alec had had an ounce of his ice powers left inside his body, they would have spurted out of his hands instantly. Alec can feel the emptiness inside of him, trying to replenish itself and betray him in the process. 

“Alexander, I’m not going to jump you, please relax.” Magnus raises his hands in a placating gesture. “That is, unless you explicitly ask me to.” he winks at him, causing Alec’s cheeks to flame even deeper. Then his expression sobers, “You are entirely safe here, Alexander.” He finishes sincerely. 

“Sorry,” Alec mumbles, completely mortified at his reaction. He can still feel Magnus’ touch on his bare skin, like the sensation is seared permanently into his nerve-endings. As he lowers himself back into downward dog, he replays Magnus’ words in loop inside his head;

You are entirely safe here, Alexander.   
You are entirely safe here, Alexander.  
You are entirely safe here, Alexander. 

And Alec knows with 100% certainty that Magnus speaks the truth. 

 

After an hour of introductory yoga positions, Magnus declares that that is enough for his first lesson, and the two men begin to roll up their mats.

“The first time I tried yoga, I completely over did it and was in pain for days afterwards. It uses muscles you don’t even realize you have. It was quite an entertaining sight, me struggling to merely walk down a flight of stairs.” Magnus chuckles at the memories. 

“Before I found yoga and martial arts, I was strictly a runner, with comparably zero upper body or core strength. But straight cardio did essentially nothing to alleviate the anxiety and over-whelming emotions accompanied by the intensity of my magic. Not knowing what to expect, I was in for a rude awakening learning these skills on my own. So I hope my approach will make this transition a little less painful for you, Alexander.” Magnus glances sideways at him.

Alec blushes, as he always does when Magnus uses his full name, and they walk over to the tree where they stashed their bottles of water. Magnus sits down and leans against the trunk, completely at ease. Meanwhile Alec takes a minute to maneuver into a comfortable position, fretting the whole time whether he is sitting too close or too far away. Magnus doesn’t seem to notice as Alec finally settles next to him. 

Since Magnus is the one who brought up his past again, Alec is trying to find a way to ask with only mild curiosity something like, ‘You are the most fascinating person I have ever met, can you tell me absolutely everything about you?’ When Magnus changes the subject. 

“One thing I want to make sure to work on next time is your breathing,” Magnus tells him. “Part of yoga is focusing closely on your breaths to help center yourself, and yours were…” Magnus’ lips quirk up at the corner “erratic.” He finishes. 

‘No shit,’ Alec wants to say out loud. But he takes a drink instead. 

Magnus had been very careful for the rest of their session, only touching Alec very briefly through the material of his clothes to make any minor adjustments. He cannot help but feel disappointed. But he knows Magnus is trying to be respectful of him and his boundaries. That only makes Alec want him more. 

Magnus takes a long pull of water from his bottle, and Alec watches the bob of his throat as he swallows. 

“This is a nice little place you’ve found here.” Magnus notes. “I would spend my time here, too.” 

“Thank you. For teaching me.” Alec quickly glances over to the side. 

“You are most welcome, Alexander. You are a desirable pupil to instruct, pliable and open to my suggestions.” Magnus smiles and quickly pats his knee. So quickly, that Alec wants to take his hand and hold it there so he can memorize the feeling of his palm through his sweat pants. 

“So, what are you going to do in your down time here, when you’re not teaching?” Alec asks. “My father tells me you will be staying with us for several weeks.” 

“That I am,” Magnus smiles and takes another drink. “Have any suggestions for how I should spend my time?” 

“I have a few ideas,” Alec blushes as he says it, which only makes Magnus laugh.

“You know, we never did finish the tour of the castle last night after your brother interrupted. Unless I only want to shoot archery every day, I fear I shall become hopelessly lost on the castle grounds. You may have to come to my rescue.” 

Alec laughs. “I can finish giving you a tour. But I highly doubt you would have much trouble, for someone as…accomplished as you, I assume a sense of direction is not something you are lacking.”

“Oh, I’m not so sure about that, Alexander.” Magnus’ voice turns sultry, “Without a proper tour I could easily wander into the wrong bedroom tonight.” 

Alec immediately chokes on his water and turns his head away, coughing to expel the liquid out of his lungs. 

“You are just so easy to tease.” Magnus chuckles. “Come on, I’ll have mercy on you. Let’s head back.” 

He stands up, smiling down at Alec and extends his hand. From this angle, Magnus’ face is just eclipsing the rays of the sun through the leaves of the trees, illuminating his face in the most beautiful lighting. Alec gulps and takes his hand, trying instantly to memorize the feeling of his rings, and Magnus pulls him up, letting go almost instantly. 

They gather their things, Alec not bothering to put his shoes back on, and walk back to the castle in a companionable silence. When they are once again surrounded by a cacophony of people, Magnus asks in a business-like tone, 

“Does the same time tomorrow work for you?”

Alec nods in affirmation. 

“Then I will see you tomorrow, Your Highness,” Magnus bows formally with an endearing smile. 

“Please, you don’t have to call me that,” Alec tells him.

“Tomorrow, Alexander.” Magnus smiles. He turns to head into the castle when Alec calls out to him.

“Magnus! Um, Mr. Bane,” Magnus pivots back around with the grace of a cat. 

“Would you like to finish your tour after dinner?” Alec hopes Magnus missed the slight tremors of his voice. 

“That would be lovely, Alexander.” 

 

Alec is utterly spent, physically, emotionally, and magically. Fully clothed in his sweaty exercise ensemble, he collapses on his bed and buries his face in his pillow.   
As Alec almost instantly begins to drift off to sleep, his memory is a slideshow of the hour he spent alone with Magnus. Distantly, he is pleased with himself that he managed to keep his magic under control, but knows that is only by default, because he made himself expel every depth of his powers earlier in the forest; inflicting more destruction on the area than he was ever capable of before. 

His last thought before sleep pulls him under is, ‘Am I going to have to do that every day to even be in the same room as Magnus?’ and he instantly realizes he would do that every day for the rest of his life, just to be able to do nothing but talk with Magnus. 

 

Alec is pulled from sleep by a hand shaking his shoulder. 

“Hey buddy, it’s time for dinner.” Jace tells him softly. 

Alec moans his annoyance into his pillow, which only makes Jace laugh. 

“Hey, I wasn’t the one redecorating my bathroom all night. Rise and shine.” 

“You saw that?” Alec mumbles, his mouth dry. 

“Yeah, lucky I found it before the maids did. I came up here when I saw how much you looked like shit at breakfast. I cleaned everything up.” 

Alec rolls onto his side and looks up at Jace perched on the edge of his bed. 

“Why would you do that?” Alec asks. 

“I hate to see you do this to yourself, you know that.” Jace looks down. “But I want to support you. And for now, that means helping you keep your secret.” 

“Thank you, Jace.” Alec reaches out and briefly squeezes his hand. 

“Yeah, alright.” Jace stands up, brushing his hands on his pants. “And get a shower first, you stink.”

Alec lobs a pillow at him as he leaves, Jace’s laugh echoes down the hallway. 

 

He showers and changes quickly, happy to realize that Jace really does have his back in actuality and not just in theory. When he walks into the dining room, he is the last one again, his family already having full plates of food dished up. 

“Oh, sweetie, you look so much better.” Queen Maryse notes. Alec smiles at her and looks around the table, his eyes lingering on Magnus. 

“Yeah, you looked like shit this morning.” Isabelle says. 

Their mother silences her with a look.

“Gee, thanks sis.” Alec tells her as he sits down. 

“I have to say, I must take partial credit for this.” Magnus cuts in. “I gave Alec his first lesson in yoga today, he is most certainly a natural. Yoga does wonders for your body as well as your mind.” 

“That’s wonderful, Alexander.” His mother’s face lights up. “I do hope Magnus can help you relax a bit.” 

Alec chokes on his wine, and Magnus just smiles down at his plate. 

“Believe me, Your Highness. I will make it my mission of the utmost importance to ensure your son is completely at ease under my expert touch.”

Queen Maryse, entirely missing the innuendo, thanks Magnus for his dedication. 

“Wow,” Izzy mutters. 

Alec occupies himself by chugging his wine then pours himself some more. 

The rest of dinner passes with Magnus being the most charming and captivating guest ever to dine at their table. Or perhaps Alec is a bit biased. Anything Magnus says, he says with total authority. He completely enthralls every person sitting at the table, makes everyone howl with laughter, and never lets the conversation lull for a moment. Alec wishes he had that kind of…swagger, that presence. Magnus is the kind of person who can walk into a room full of strangers, strike up a conversation with any one of them, and in no time, have them hanging on every word. 

Alec is in trouble.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some adorable Malec fluff mixed in with angst :). Alec interacts more with Lydia, and Magnus opens up about a past relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a lot of trouble dividing this chapter up. I essentially have had enough material for 3 chapters written, but I've been shifting things around, and adding and deleting scenes. Because I am still trying to figure out ultimately where I want this to end up! Or rather, how Malec gets to the ending I want :) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! I have a direct quote from season 1 and also references to The Infernal Devices for the book readers! ;)

For the remainder of Magnus’ tour, in an attempt to prevent Alec from pinning Magnus against the wall and kissing him senseless, Alec tries to distract himself by being very formal; sounding like an official castle guide. So far, Alec has shown Magnus the drawing room where they receive guests, the kitchen, and also the castle archives. Alec did not fathom Magnus could make an innuendo about ancient documents, but he is nothing if not gifted. He had been showing him the proper technique in handling the most fragile books with special gloves, lest a rough touch crumble them into dust. At this, Magnus replied,

“I may be powerful, Alexander, but my touch is nothing but delicate and… purposeful. I’ve never had any complaints about my hands being too rough on…sensitive things.” 

Alec flushed a deep scarlet, which made Magnus laugh loudly. 

“It’s just so easy, Alexander,” Magnus’ entire body language was completely giddy. He lightly nudged Alec in the ribs with his elbow, causing Alec to let out a breathy laugh too.  
But since that comment, Magnus had been on his best behavior, eyeing Alec sideways with a crooked smile across his lips.

 

“Now here is the art gallery,” Alec walks into the room slowly, his hands behind his back, trying to put on a show that he is calm, cool, and collected. Magnus’ knowing smile tells Alec he is not succeeding. 

Then Magnus turns his attention to the paintings adorning the walls in the enormous gallery. 

Magnus whistles. “Wow, this is quite impressive.” He walks around the outline of the room, looking up and turning in circles a few times, taking everything in.  
“Do you have a favorite?” Magnus asks, facing Alec again. 

“Hmm, no one’s ever asked me that before.” It takes Alec a moment to think. “I think this one,” Alec stands underneath the painting titled "The Swings", which captures a giggling little girl flying high on a swing, her head covered in blond curls thrown back in delight. “She just looks so happy, like she has no cares in the world, no responsibility. Makes me wistful, I guess.” 

Magnus nods his head, understanding. “It is quite beautiful, definitely captures innocence and freedom.” He takes a step closer to Alec. “You know, you can still have that.” Magnus says softly. “I know of your responsibilities to your family and your kingdom. But…that doesn’t mean you cannot find your own happiness. It is not your responsibility to give up who you are for them, Alexander, no one would ask you to do that.” 

Alec can feel Magnus’ eyes peering sideways at him, but Alec keeps his gaze focused on the painting in front of them. 

“I wish it were that simple, Magnus,” is all Alec says in response. 

Magnus sighs slightly, and the sound makes Alec’s heart contract. The last thing he wants is to disappoint Magnus. He wants nothing more than to turn towards him, cup Magnus’ face between his palms, and kiss him. But Alec doesn’t move. They continue to stare at the painting in silence, side by side.

Finally, Alec breaks the moment and turns to go, Magnus following wordlessly behind him as Alec walks down the hallway, opening another set of doors.

“And here we have the ballroom,” Alec takes a deep breath in. He has avoided this room like the plague ever since he injured Izzy here with his powers all those years before. When he has been forced to enter this room over the years for various balls and functions, he has left as soon as humanly possible, and experienced a crippling panic attack and involuntary expulsion of his ice powers afterwards. 

Magnus immediately registers Alec’s discomfort. 

“Not your favorite room?” Magnus asks, eyeing Alec closely.

“No,” is all Alec manages to say. 

“Is it because you are a spazzy dancer?” Magnus asks, trying to lighten the mood. It works. Alec lets out a short laugh. 

“Why would you assume I’m a spazzy dancer?” Alec retorts. “I grew up in a palace, of all places. Of course I know how to dance.” 

“Just because you know how to, doesn’t mean that you are any good.” Magnus arches an eyebrow. 

“Is that a challenge, Mr. Bane?” 

“I believe it is, Your Highness.” 

Magnus saunters backwards further into the ballroom, his eyes zeroing in on Alec the whole time. When he reaches close to the center, he extends his hand outward, silently challenging Alec to take it. Alec smiles, meeting his challenge, and prowls forward. 

“You lead,” Magnus breathes, when Alec closes the distance between them. “Show me what you’ve got.”

They grasp hands, Alec’s left with Magnus’ right, and Magnus places a hand on Alec’s waist. This time Alec does not flinch, does not move away, but instead moves even closer.  
“I believe that I am supposed to be holding YOUR waist,” Alec counters, his voice deep and husky. 

Magnus smiles, sliding his hand up Alec’s side, agonizingly slowly, until he reaches his shoulder. 

Alec resists the urge to close his eyes, reveling in the sensation of Magnus’ hand on him instead of shying away from it. His touch leaves his skin enflamed in it’s wake, even through Alec’s clothes.

“Of course, how silly of me.” Magnus answers. But the mischievous look in his eyes tells Alec that he did it on purpose. 

They are standing so close now, practically chest to chest. Just another inch, and Alec could close the distance between their bodies. 

“On your count,” Magnus says, his voice low and breathless. 

Then they begin to move. 

Alec has been forced to dance with many girls over the years, a requisite formality of his title. But before, it always felt akin to taking a walk. There was no emotion, no tension behind it, and Alec had held the girls as far away from his own body as was considered polite. But now with Magnus, he cannot grasp him close enough against him, and his hand grips tighter around his hand and Magnus’ firm waist. The air between them is electric, and Alec’s breath becomes trapped inside his lungs. It is a sensual movement of their bodies becoming one, gliding and twirling together across the ballroom floor. Alec is mesmerized by the way they move together, in total synchronization, Magnus elegantly matching him step for step. 

They finish the waltz exactly in time and stare into each other’s eyes, the mere inch of distance between their faces palpably painful. 

“Alexander,” Magnus breathes, staring down at his lips. 

“Magnus,” Alec breathes back, his eyelids drooping, head tilting slightly. 

“Alec!” 

A female voice echoes down the hallway. 

Alec flinches, but this time, he doesn’t automatically spring away from Magnus. They hold each other for another moment before Magnus begrudgingly steps back. 

“Alec! Where are you?” The voice calls again. 

“In here, mother,” Alec calls, sounding a little breathless. 

When his mother enters the ballroom, Magnus and Alec are still staring at each other, Alec’s back to her. 

“Oh, there you are honey. I’ve been looking all over for you. And hello, Mr. Bane. I apologize, I did not mean to interrupt.” Queen Maryse is completely oblivious to the nature of the tense exchange between her son and Magnus. 

“Quite alright, Your Highness. Our tour was just finishing up. Thank you very much, Prince.” Magnus bows slightly to Alec, then walks past him towards the doorway. Alec finally turns around. 

“What is it, mother?” 

“You really must keep up with your correspondence, dear. Lydia still has not heard your confirmation of your date for brunch tomorrow morning. I know she was called back home momentarily to Idris, but these sorts of details need ironed out.” 

Magnus is just about to walk through the doorway, with Queen Maryse’s back towards him. Alec looks up as he freezes, his posture automatically stiffening. 

“Of course, mother. I’ll get back to her right away.” Alec nods. 

“Should I be hopeful yet?” she approaches him, and places her hand on his cheek. “Will she make you happy?” 

Alec smiles down at her. “Too soon to tell. But I think she could.” 

She kisses him on the cheek then turns back around, Magnus still frozen in the doorway. 

“Goodnight, Mr. Bane.” She tells him as she walks past him. “Please, continue whatever you were doing before I interrupted. No need to leave on my account.” And she exits the room. 

It takes a solid minute for Magnus to turn back around. But when he does, the look of pain on his face is almost too much for Alec to bear.

“Are you really going to go through with it?” Magnus asks quietly. 

“It’s my duty, Magnus.” Alec tells him softly. 

“What about your duty to yourself?” Magnus demands, clearly trying to reign in his anger.

“I don’t have a choice.” 

“You always have a choice!” Magnus shouts, his words echoing off the walls of the ballroom. 

They stare at each other for a tense moment. Then Magnus’ look of anger melts into one of intense sadness. 

“You’ll be lonely all your life. Neither of you deserve it.” Magnus tells him. “And I don’t either.” 

With that Magnus turns, leaving Alec alone in the ballroom. 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________

 

“I apologize for my late confirmation, Ms. Branwell.” Alec begins the next morning as they sit down to their private brunch in the garden. 

Alec spent the night restlessly tossing and turning, his mind filled with thoughts of Magnus. But he has had years of practice perfecting his façade of appearing ok on the outside when his heart is breaking on the inside. He steels himself and forces his thoughts back, smiling brightly at Lydia. 

A spread of croissants, bacon, eggs, French toast, fresh fruit, yogurt, and coffee are laid out before them. Lydia digs right in as she responds, using the tongs to add a generous helping of bacon onto her plate. 

“Quite alright, we are both rather busy, after all. I only just arrived back from Idris late last night myself.” 

“May I ask what business you had back home in Idris?” 

“Just a health scare about my Grandfather Henry. He is quite the brilliant inventor you know, but very absentminded. He accidentally set himself on fire.” She waves her hand dismissively. 

“Um, does that happen often?” Alec asks, a bit taken a back by her lack of concern. “And is he alright?” 

“Never better,” Lydia smiles, taking a bite of her croissant. “He was already back working in his laboratory when I left.” 

“What kinds of inventions does your grandfather work on?” Alec asks, taking a sip of his coffee. 

Lydia describes the inventions based on clockwork mechanisms that have recently snagged her grandfather’s fancy as Alec’s attention zones in and out. He cannot stop thinking of Magnus’ face when he told him he was still going through with this date with Lydia; utterly crushed. Alec is doing this precisely because he does not want to hurt the ones he cares about. And suddenly, Alec realizes, that Magnus now falls into that category as well. Alec wants nothing more than to take pain away from those he loves the most, to bear every burden for them. 

But instead, he is the one causing Magnus pain. 

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________

 

After his brunch with Lydia, and his promise to set up another date, Alec walks back inside the castle more confused than ever. 

Lydia is a lovely woman. Someone with a strong head on her shoulders, with whom Alec could see himself enjoying spending time with. But their entire meal together, a knot of guilt was pulling inside Alec’s stomach. Lydia told him she already married for love once, and it left her a heartbroken widow. She wants a stable partnership, an alliance for her country, just like him; not to fall madly in love. They both know going into this potential relationship of the other’s expectations, which are the same on the surface. But Alec still feels like he is being deceitful. He could never truly love Lydia the way that she would deserved to be loved by her husband. Would she still be interested in continuing their courtship if he told Lydia the truth? That he was falling for a man? 

Alec spends a distracted few hours shadowing his father in important meetings that he probably should have been taking notes during. It feels like an eternity passes before it is time to see Magnus again. 

Finally, later in the afternoon, when it comes time for Alec’s next yoga lesson, all of Alec’s fretting over how to behave around Magnus- that is, if Magnus would even show up- was for naught. Because Magnus acts as if nothing has changed between them. He is waiting for Alec in their usual meeting spot, and is his normal, charming, flirty self. Alec is relieved, fearing their disagreement would irreprovably damage what they have…whatever that may be. 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

 

A week passes by in this fashion; of Magnus’ daily yoga lessons filled with polite conversations- actively avoiding all discussion about their two almost kisses and the topic of Lydia- and humorous banter in their private grove of trees. Magnus always manages to make Alec laugh, usually in the middle of a pose, which causes him to faceplant. They chatter about inconsequential things like the weather and pet peeves, but also swap funny childhood stories, and talk about the small things that make them happy like favorite songs and pastimes like reading a good book on a rainy day. 

Through all of these talks, when they are not even touching, Alec can sense his feelings for Magnus becoming stronger. He tries to remind himself that they can only ever be friends, and nothing more, but this does not stop him from still wanting to know absolutely everything about Magnus.  
Alec and Magnus are relaxing beneath what Alec likes to think of as “their tree” post yoga lesson, when Alec begins, 

“Magnus, can I ask you something?” Alec hedges.

“Of course,” Magnus looks over. 

“When we first met…you told me about your gift. You showed me your magic when I asked. But you haven’t brought it up or used it since…Why?” 

“Who says I haven’t used it?” Magnus smirks playfully. 

“Alright I haven’t SEEN you use it.” Alec corrects. “And I thought part of these lessons were to help me control my ice powers? How is any of this supposed to help without you showing me more of your magic, showing me how you gained control?” 

“You have to learn the basics before I can bring magic into the mix, Alec. I wanted to make sure you were ready. Patience, this is only week one.” Magnus pats his leg. 

“Magnus, I have been dealing with this for seven years,” Alec says quietly. “I’m really all out of patience at this point.” Alec runs his hands through his hair. “Hey, and no deflecting.” He realizes suddenly that Magnus ignored his question. “How come you don’t use your magic out in the open? I’m sure it could make your daily life easier.” 

“I don’t want life to be easier, I want my life to be real.” Magnus responds, then pauses, gathering his thoughts. Magnus is quiet for a moment, playing with a string on the hem of his sweatpants. 

“I guess it’s because I want people to desire my services for skills that I actually achieved on my own. The martial arts, the yoga, those are things that I accomplished with nothing but my human determination and hard work, without the help of my dark magical abilities. The magic, that is something that was given to me. It is a part of me yes, a part that I am proud of, that also took hard work to master. But I don’t want that to be all that people see. Or to be the only reason people want to spend time with me. I refuse to be used for my magic.” 

“You think I want to use you?” Alec is astonished. “Magnus, I would never—” 

“No,” Magnus quickly amends. “Not you, Alec. Others in my past, I meant. Some people are just attracted to my power…like my ex, Camille. I thought I was in love with her, and she with me. But I did not figure out until much later that she was just using me. And our relationship was just a big joke to her. She…” Magnus takes a ragged breath, “didn’t believe that someone like me, like both of us with our dark magic, were capable of falling in love. She tried to get me to use my abilities for evil. Of course, I refused. It took me a while to see who she really was. But that was that.” 

“I’m sorry,” Alec reaches out and takes his hand, squeezing gently. “You didn’t deserve that, Magnus. You deserve someone better.” 

“Thank you, Alexander.” Magnus says softly. “You know, I was afraid I should not have shown you my magic that first day. I feared you would look at me differently…” Magnus chuckles. “But you have absolutely no guile, Alexander. It is quite refreshing.” 

Alec smiles, pleased at the compliment. It is as close as they have come in the past week to talking about their own relationship and where they stand. 

“Do my parents know? About your dark magic?” Alec asks, letting go of Magnus’ hand. 

“Of course. It’s not something that I hide. Like I said before, I am proud of the good I am able to do because of it, the people I am able to help. But it is also not something that I flamboyantly flaunt and advertise. Since Camille, I learned that lesson the hard way. Back then I was arrogant about it…but, since she left me, I am not the same vain person I used to be. That heartbreak changed me for the better. And I am glad for it.” 

Alec is thoughtful for a moment, processing his words. 

“Thank you,” Alec says finally after a long moment of silence. “For telling me all of that. For trusting me.” 

Magnus smiles at him, a sad sort of smile.

Again, they sit in silence, looking up at the clouds in the sky, the breeze tickling their sweaty skin.

Then Alec breaks the silence. 

“Magnus, please.” Alec’s voice is quiet. “You’re the only one who can help me with this. As my…friend…” Alec swallows, “I really need your help.” 

Magnus stares at him for a long moment, searching his face. 

“Ok. Tomorrow, I will try and help you with your powers. On one condition.” 

Alec cocks his head. 

“We go for a run first.” 

Alec is confused by this request. “Alright,” Alec says, anything to spend more time with Magnus. “But why?” 

“Your gift is wild, Alec. Very powerful. Hopefully the cardio will at least help to take the edge off a bit.”

Alec prays to Raziel that Magnus is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was a hodgepodge of a chapter haha! I feel like I crammed a bunch of scenes in here, and I hope it flows alright. I've been rereading these scenes for a few weeks now so I'm sorry if it's a bit choppy. But there is a pretty big scene coming up in the next one, so I think I paused in the right spot! ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus helps Alec try to use up some energy and gain control of his ice powers. Fluff and angst and deep communication <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally part of chapter 6. But I've added some more dialogue and decided this was too important not to be its own chapter :)

The next morning, before the sun is even up, Magnus and Alec meet to go for a run. It is Sunday, therefore there is no training of the troops for Magnus later on. The day is entirely their own to do with as they please. 

“Where would you like to go?” Alec asks as they stretch their legs in preparation. 

“Oh, I already have a normal route mapped out.” Magnus tells him. “I’ve been running every morning since I came here. It is part of my daily routine.” 

“Do you EVER run out of energy?” Alec marvels. “I have never met someone with your stamina.” Alec remarks, then regrets it the second he says it. 

“Oh, Alexander. You have not begun to see the depths of my…stamina, yet.” Magnus says suggestively, smiling slyly. 

Alec’s breath catches in his throat for a moment. 

“Alrighty, then. This way.” Magnus strides past him, expecting him to follow, like he did not just leave Alec completely breathless.

Alec blows a breath out and walks after him. Magnus takes off at a run, Alec right on his heels. 

“So,” Alec huffs out. “How far are we going?” 

“I’ve mapped out a five-mile loop,” Magnus tells him, not out of breath in the slightest.

“FIVE?” Alec tries to mask his panic. “You run five miles every morning?” Alec was lucky if he could complete three on a good day. Distance was not his specialty, he mostly runs hard and fast sprints. 

“I enjoy it,” Magnus says simply. “It relaxes me.” 

“I think…we have…different ideas…of…relaxation,” Alec gets out between breaths. 

Magnus smiles over at him briefly, then picks up his pace, leaving Alec grumbling behind him, scrambling to catch up. 

 

Magnus’ course takes them around the rolling hills of the castle grounds and through paths in the woods. When Alec starts to fall behind, Magnus slows his pace. There is something beautiful, Alec thinks, about the steady rhythm of their feet touching the ground in the early morning air, before the rest of the world is truly awake yet. With no sounds other than the birds in the trees, and the wind rustling the leaves. And of course, Alec’s wheezing. 

By the time Magnus declares they are finished, Alec’s chest is heaving, he is covered in perspiration, and his screaming muscles are on fire from exertion. Alec collapses on the ground on his back, throwing his arms above his head. He looks up at the early morning light just appearing in the sky, and catches Magnus’ serene profile as he stares out at the land beyond. 

“Don’t you just feel invigorated?” Magnus asks, a note of marvel in his voice.

When Alec doesn’t answer, Magnus turns to look down at him, at which point Alec raises his hand in a thumbs up gesture. 

Magnus claps a hand over his mouth, trying to contain his giggle. 

“Perfect,” Magnus surmises, smiling down at him. “Now we can begin your magic lesson.” 

Alec is in a starfish formation on the ground, his arms and legs sprawled outward. He doesn’t even care how unflattering this makes him look, his screaming muscles are too tired to care. 

“Not…here…” Alec gets out, still out of breath. “We have to…ride there.” 

“I assumed as much,” Magnus notes. “Here,” he extends his hand. Alec takes it, and Magnus heaves him to his feet. He surprises Alec by not letting go of his hand, but instead, pulling him close. Magnus’ voice is low when he says, 

“And just for the record…there are many other…physical… activities we could do besides running to tire you out.” Magnus’ eyes flick down to his lips, but before Alec can even respond, Magnus releases him and turns away, walking towards the stables. 

After letting the immediate blush leave his face, Alec exhales sharply and follows after him. 

 

It is too early for Max to be at the stables, so Magnus and Alec ready the horses themselves. Alec selects Church, as always, and Magnus selects Chairman Meow. 

“Strange names for horses,” Magnus notes as he pulls out a satchel from inside an empty stall. 

“What’s that?” Alec points. 

“You are not the only one capable of bribing young Max with cookies,” Magnus smirks. “Sustenance for today. I had him stash this here last night.” Magnus opens it up, showing him the contents filled with apples, bread, cheese and canteens of water. 

“Good thinking,” Alec nods as Magnus closes the satchel and slings the bag across his shoulder. 

“Lead the way,” Magnus motions after they mount the horses. 

Alec blinks, momentarily, distracted by the sight of a beautifully sweaty Magnus astride a horse. With the breeze blowing through his hair, he looks like a Greek god. Alec clears his throat and taps Church’s sides with his feet. 

 

They race through the forest in the early morning light, the cool wind soothing Alec’s flushed skin. They ride mostly in silence, Alec lost in thought. He has never shown this place to anyone; this private spot in the middle of the woods where Alec’s deepest pain and misery is totally exposed and evident. It will be like opening up his chest and showing Magnus how his heart beats. But Alec suddenly realizes that he wants Magnus to see it. He wants Magnus to see all of him. 

When they arrive at Alec’s usual spot, he tenses, nervous of Magnus’ reaction. Here, Alec’s most hidden inner pain is entirely visible, with nothing to dull or camouflage the sharp edges of his darkest emotions. 

Wordlessly, Alec shows him the spot to tie off the horses, and they round the cairn of rocks. When they walk to the center of the clearing, Magnus looks around. Alec swears he sees his eyes soften momentarily, but it is gone before Alec can blink.

“Are you sure you are ready for this?” Magnus asks quietly as he turns to face him, clearly having second thoughts.

“Definitely.” Alec nods. 

Magnus stares at him for a moment, but says nothing. Then he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and an orb of blue magic appears between his palms. Alec lets out a gasp. 

“You can…hold it in your hand?” 

“This is how I practice my tai-chi. Now watch.” Magnus instructs. He widens his stance, crouching down slightly. Then Magnus begins to gracefully move his arms, the orb perfectly suspended and contained between his palms. In Magnus’ total concentration, his amber eyes seem to glow. 

Alec is enraptured. He doesn’t care that he is openly gawking at Magnus, his mouth actually hanging open in awe. He watches as Magnus sways his fingers, the magic instantly obeying his every command, and Alec cannot imagine ever being that powerful.

“Do you ever try to summon your powers on purpose?” Magnus inquires, breaking Alec out of his reverie. 

Alec shakes his head. ‘Not anymore,’ he thinks to himself. Not since he hurt Izzy. 

“That is part of your problem.” Magnus continues his elegant movements as he speaks. “Right now, your powers are like a steaming tea kettle, they need that release after such an intense build up inside of you. Just trying to conceal them will not work. You can’t hide from this, from who you are.” 

“I know,” Alec replies softly, understanding that Magnus is not just talking about his ice powers. 

“Well that is the first thing I need you to do, to summon your powers. Without willfully calling upon them, you will never be able to control them.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Alec’s voice is barely audible. 

Suddenly, the orb of magic disappears, and Magnus takes a step forward. 

“Alexander, this is how you learn.” Magnus squeezes his hand, “I’ll be fine.” 

Alec looks around at the decapitated foliage surrounding them and turns back to Magnus with a skeptical look. But Magnus holds Alec’s gaze, standing his ground unwavering.   
Alec bows his head, struggling not to cry from the overwhelming terror. He knows that he is the one that begged for Magnus’ help, telling him he did not want to wait any longer. But that does not quell the crippling anxiety bubbling up inside his chest. 

“You can do this,” Magnus encourages. “Now, fix your stance.” 

Alec obeys, mimicking Magnus. Magnus circles him, moving to the side, and lightly grips his wrists. 

“Instead of ice, which always seems to explode out of you when you are feeling negative emotions like panic or fear, try pulling from a calmer aspect of your powers that you used to use when you were happy, like snow. You’ve created snowfall before, haven’t you?” 

Alec nods as Magnus steps closer. 

“Look inside yourself and find that thread that is connected to your gift. And instead of trying to shove it down inside, to conceal it, you need to FEEL it Alexander. Not just welcome it as a part of your being, but call upon it.”

Magnus places a hand on Alec’s shoulder to steady him, and it is only then that Alec realizes he is trembling. Flashbacks of Izzy's scream piercing the ballroom flood unwarranted into his mind; the image of Jace holding her tiny injured body in his arms, the injuries that Alec inflicted on her.

“Now take a deep breath, and summon your powers,” Magnus breathes down his neck. 

“Magnus, I…I can’t…” Alec’s voice cracks, and tears break free from his eyes. With Magnus’ proximity, Alec can feel his ice power growing in strength, clawing and fighting to explode out of him with angry vengeance. But Alec does exactly what Magnus told him not to do, what he has always done; conceal, don't feel, conceal don't feel. Alec holds the power back, trying to fight it down down down. 

Alec’s hands start to shake, and he clenches them into fists. “Magnus, please, you’re not safe here,” Alec pleads. 

But Magnus doesn’t move away. He actually moves closer to Alec’s side. 

“Magnus, I CAN’T!” Alec cries out. 

But it’s too late. Ice erupts from his fingertips with such force that Alec is thrown off of his feet, propelled backwards. The back of his head and body slam into something so hard he can hear a cracking sound, and his vision explodes with stars. Alec crumples to the ground, trying to catch his breath. 

“Alec?!” he hears a worried voice as if underwater, muffled and distorted. He feels a touch on the back of his head and cries out, a sharp pain searing through his nerve endings at the contact. He tries to open his eyes, but everything is blurry. He can just make out Magnus’ worried face hovering above him, but his features are out of focus.

“Mag…nu…s” Alec tries to speak, the syllables not making sense to his ears. 

“Shhhh, Alexander. It’s ok. You’re going to be ok.” Magnus sooths. 

Alec feels a burning sensation against his skin, and his body automatically attempts to pull away from it. 

“Relax, Alec, it’s a healing rune.” Magnus tells him. "It will only sting for a moment." 

Alec tries to look over at what Magnus is doing, but his vision is still swimming. All he can make out are the blue sparks hovering over his arm, forming a strange shape onto his skin. 

When the burning stops, Alec’s vision suddenly becomes clear. He blinks his eyes, staring down at the strange black mark now appearing like a tattoo on his skin. 

"Don't worry, it is not permanent. The mark will fade." Magnus assures him. 

Alec hears the words, but they do not immediately register. He turns his head away from his arm and stares up at open sky, until his eyes focus on Magnus hovering above him, a deep V forming between his eyebrows.

Alec struggles to sit up, and Magnus assists him. Alec is about to thank him when Magnus suddenly yanks Alec against him into a fierce hug, one hand stroking the back of his hair. Alec melts against him, reveling in the sensation of Magnus holding him. He rests his head against Magnus’ shoulder, breathing in his familiar scent. Alec sits there in the warm circle of Magnus’ embrace for what feels like hours. He never wants him to let him go. But eventually, Magnus pulls back. 

“Alec, I didn’t know…or else I wouldn't have...” Magnus starts softly, staring into his eyes.

“Know what?” Alec croaks out. 

“This is about so much more than not knowing how to control your powers, isn’t it?” Magnus asks. 

Alec says nothing, just keeps staring back at Magnus. 

"I mean, I knew that perhaps you...denying who you are could have been a factor in your powers being difficult to control...but...I have never seen an angelic gift behave this way, with this level of intensity...I...Alexander,” Magnus places a hand on the nape of his neck. “Our powers are tied to our emotions. And this…” He pauses again. “I mean I knew you were struggling with…who you are.” Magnus says carefully. “But Alexander…this is dangerous. You need to let it go. Trying so hard to conceal something does not mean that you will not feel it. You can pretend to yourself about who you are but…your powers do not lie. It will only get worse.” 

“That’s what Grandpoppy said,” Alec sighs. “That I can’t hide my feelings…” At Magnus’ confused look, Alec amends, “The patriarch of the trolls. The ones who know about the gifts from the Angels.” He pauses, then sighs again. 

“But Magnus…you know I…you know I can’t. My family…Arendelle…I am no good to them like this.” 

Anger flashes across Magnus’ amber eyes. “Are you saying… who you are isn’t good enough, Alexander? That your family, your kingdom would not love you if they knew who you really are?” Magnus asks slowly.

Hot tears well up in Alec’s eyes and spill over at Magnus’ words. 

“How can you think that? Your parents love you. They just want to see you happy. I was there in the ballroom with you, remember? When your mother asked if Lydia would finally make you happy? That is all they want for you, Alexander. They would never want you to be miserable for their sakes.” 

“Magnus…you don’t understand…” Alec’s voice shakes. “I spent…so many years…thinking I was in love with my adoptive brother…how do you think they would have looked at me then? I could never bear their disappointment in me…and now, with you…I…Magnus, I JUST CAN’T!” Alec suddenly shouts and jumps up, pacing away from him. 

“So, you are still going to go through with this? This…impending relationship with Lydia? Alec, you can’t even control yourself!” Magnus’ voice begins to rise. “I just healed your concussion! Your powers are only growing, becoming wilder the more you hide from yourself, Alexander. Marrying Lydia won’t FIX you! You can’t change who you are to please other people! IT WILL DESTROY YOU.” 

Alec turns back around to face him, but cannot make himself look Magnus in the eye. “I’m not like you Magnus,” Alec says so quietly it is almost a whisper. “I have too many people depending on me…Thank you for trying to help me, but I’m sorry. This is my decision.” 

Magnus crosses his arms and sniffles. Alec realizes with a start that he is trying to hold back tears. Magnus stares at him in silence for a moment, and a tear streaks down his cheek.

“You’re right, Alec.” Magnus tells him flatly. “This is your decision, your life. But I’m not going to stick around and watch you destroy yourself.” Magnus’ voice cracks at the end.

“Goodbye, Alexander.” Magnus tells him, and walks past him to the cairn. Alec does nothing as he unties Chairmen Meow, mounts the saddle, and takes off, leaving Alec alone in the clearing. 

Alec looks down at his arm, on the spot where Magnus drew the healing rune with his magic. He examines the dark design seared into his skin, trying to cling onto the sensation of being safe in Magnus' arms. But in a moment, Alec sees the dark black swirls fading from his skin, then almost vanish completely, only leaving behind pale lines that resemble an old scar. The rune, filled not just with Magnus' immense power, but also his care and compassion for Alec, evaporates like mist out of Alec's grasp. Just like Magnus himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end on angst! But rest assured, there will be plenty of fluff to make up for it in the coming chapter :) 
> 
> In most of this story (and the books/show in general), I identify more with Alec, but Magnus enjoying distance running and finding it relaxing was totally me haha ;) I tried to make the scene in the forest the equivalent of Elsa's "I CAN'T!" panicking moment in the "For the First Time In Forever" reprise scene from the movie. Also the magical tai chi scene was a nod to that moment in 2x1! A year later and Magnus is STILL so mesmerizing in that!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec realizes his mistake and makes an important decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY it has been so long!!! I literally restarted this chapter at least 6x and didn't like where it was going. I also couldn't decide if I wanted to go more along the lines of the show storyline or the movie storyline or veer off in my own direction entirely. Then school and work got insane and I've had a few health setbacks. So I took a little break from this for a bit to gain some perspective. 
> 
> Take this angst and fluff-filled peace offering :)

Alec sits alone in the clearing for most of the day, numbly watching the position of the sun in the sky shift from morning, to noon, to afternoon. 

He doesn’t know what he expected to feel when he ended things with Magnus. Relieved? Devastated? But right now, he just feels like he blew an emotional fuse, his body devoid of any emotion or feeling, staring blanking ahead of him. The only thing he feels is an unmistakable sense of confusion, more severe than anything he has ever faced in his entire life.

He knows that he is the one that rejected Magnus. He is the one that stopped whatever was going on between them before it even started. But he cannot help but feel completely and utterly…alone. More so than he has in his entire life. 

He always knew what his path was; to one day become King of Arendelle, marry and have a family of his own, and in the meantime, protect his family with his life. His crush on Jace was a barrier to that, his inability to control his power was affecting his duty to keep his sister safe. So, he did what he needed to do to protect her. The solution to stop using his powers was a decision he easily made, and one he would make again in a heartbeat. 

His decisions in the past have always been so black and white, and he has never once wavered on his resolution. But for the first time, now he is not so sure he made the right decision in regards to Magnus. There is a sense of intense unease in his stomach, something gnawing at him that won’t let go. 

Trying to hide his feelings and keep his secret had become normal for him, voluntarily secluding himself in his own shell of fear and anxiety. He had become accustomed to his self-imposed loneliness, his solitary existence. But before, it was a sacrifice of his own happiness to keep his family safe; safe from the danger of his power, safe from having to make the decision of accepting their son for who he loves, because their decision could divide their kingdom. 

But this…

Alec is no longer a frightened child. He is an adult, a few weeks away from being eligible to ascend the throne of Arendelle. He has been told repeatedly the simple solution to his dilemma but has ignored this advice every single time; embrace who he really is.

Alec realizes for the first time that he not only made the wrong choice as a child, but he has made the same mistake for the second time. Because this time, it was not a choice made out of a misguided yet noble sense of duty and honor, but solely out of fear.

But there is no going back now. 

It is too late. Magnus said he was done with him. 

Alec has no choice now but to move forward. To stay on his path of fulfilling his duty, of marrying Lydia....Right? 

 

When fatigue and hunger finally get the better of him, Alec wills himself to stand up. His head throbs painfully, Magnus’ magic having worn off quite some time ago, but Alec embraces the pain. It is a distraction from the agony of his heart beating inside his chest, mourning the loss of Magnus. 

Alec slowly starts to make his way back to the castle, walking Church most of the way at a leisurely pace, his throbbing head threatening his buckling legs to collapse to the ground to never get up. But he pushes on, making himself feel the painful consequences of what he has done. His own cowardice has hurt Magnus deeply, and he deserves to feel every aching throb pulsing through his body. 

When Alec finally walks Church into his stall and begins the slow ascent to the castle grounds, he fears he may run into Magnus on his way to the kitchen to get some food (after all, Magnus did gallop off with their lunch quite a few hours ago) but he passes almost no one in the halls except for the occasional servant, who politely do not comment on his sweaty and grass-stained appearance. 

After Alec has downed a sandwich and several glasses of water from the kitchen, he begins to make his way back to his room, his throbbing head only getting worse. By the time he reaches his room, Alec can hardly see straight. He staggers inside and shuts the door behind him, leaning against it and closing his eyes, willing himself to take a few deep breaths to make the room stop spinning. A few minutes later, he is running for the bathroom, and his meager lunch comes right back up.

One his entire lunch as been expelled from his stomach, Alec stumbles over to his bed on trembling limbs and collapses on top of the covers, cold sweats breaking out across his skin. He tries to slow down his panting and squeezes his eyes shut, but the action only sends another shooting pain through his skull. 

Alec curls up on his side, so intensely overwhelmed that he is actual devoid of feeling. His only thought is that the universe is paying him back splendidly for his royal fuck up. He curls up as tight as he can, embracing every agonizing sensation. 

 

Alec spends most of the next several days in bed, unwilling to face Magnus but also intensely dizzy from his concussion. He waves off the servants who try to get him to drink various herbal remedies for headaches, needing to sulk in his own private hell that he alone created. Alec needs time to just let himself be broken, to feel everything he is always trying to prevent himself from feeling. 

He manages a few bites of soup and bread and little sips of water, but his head injury leaves him feeling nauseated. He can feel his body weakening as a result, his muscles beginning to atrophy from being sedentary and hardly eating, but he cannot bring himself to care. 

Numbly, Alec passes the time by watching the sun move positions in the sky outside his window, forcing himself to relive the moment he knew Magnus had left him for good. He dozes randomly in and out of consciousness, willing himself to feel every ache and hollow space left inside him by the absence of Magnus; an absence soling of his doing.

 

By the evening of day four, Alec knows that he cannot keep this up much longer. His mother has threatened to send for a specialist, completely unaware that much of Alec's ailment is self-inflicted and psychological. Alec flings his legs over the side of the bed and sits there for several minutes, his feet dangling, until a sufficient amount of blood has reached his brain. He decides that by tomorrow morning, he will be done wallowing. He needs to put on the brave face he has worn every day of his life, and perform his duty. Alec's heart may still be in turmoil, but his family needs him. His kingdom needs him. Alec stands up and walks to the bathroom to get a shower, full of resolve to make himself the presentable almost-King that he is.

Everything goes black. 

 

Alec groans at the sharp pain in his skull, completely disoriented. 

The last thing he remembers was being curled up in his bed, as he has been for the majority of the last four days. But he is no longer in his bed, the surface beneath him hard and cool, his head is pillowed on something softer. 

He grimaces as a wave of nausea briefly swells in his stomach, and he clenches his eyes against it. But it passes just as briefly as it came, there being almost nothing in his stomach to come back up, and Alec exhales. But his breath catches in his throat as he registers the reason for this. Alec feels the unmistakable calming and pleasant sensation of Magnus’ magic stroking against his mind. 

Alec had expected Magnus to keep ignoring him, to be so completely furious with him that he would not even acknowledge Alec’s presence for the rest of his stay at the castle.

What he was not expecting was Magnus to seek him out in the middle of the night. 

Alec realizes he is sprawled out on his bathroom floor, his head resting on Magnus’ lap. Magnus is stroking his hair back off his forehead, an undeterminable expression on his face. 

“Wha-what?” Alec swallows through a dry throat and tries again. “Mag…Magnus…what are you doing here?” He tries to sit up, but Magnus easily nudges him back down with only a few fingers. 

“I was worried about you.” Magnus admits. “You’ve been holed up in here for days and…against my better judgement, I came to check on you. And it was a good thing I did. Found you passed out here.”

Alec tries to focus on his words, but Magnus’ fingers running through his hair make him want to close his eyes again, the sensation is so pleasant. “I thought you were mad at me,” Alec croaks. "You SHOULD be mad at me." 

“I was mad. I AM mad.” Magnus answers, still stroking his hair as he continues. “But I realized I may have been a bit impatient with you. You are obviously conflicted, and have a lot of responsibilities on your shoulders, other people depending on you. I should be giving you space to figure out what you want instead of pushing you into what I think you want. I just…I don’t think you realize the effect you have on me, Alexander. How completely I’ve fallen for you. And it’s alright if you don’t reciprocate my feelings, I will bow out gracefully. But if there is any chance that you do feel the same way, I…I just...I don’t want you to break my heart.” Magnus’ voice is barely above a whisper. He looks away, his eyes blinking quickly. 

Alec grasps Magnus’ hand that is resting lightly on his arm and squeezes it. 

“That is the last thing I want to do,” Alec’s voice cracks.

Magnus looks back to him as a single tear escapes down his cheek. Wordlessly, Alec moves to sit up, and Magnus lets him this time. Alec places a hand on Magnus’ cheek, stroking his face with his thumb, and Magnus turns his face into his touch. Magnus’ breath hitches as he pulls Alec closer, his hand brushing against his bare hip beneath his shirt, and Alec shudders. 

Alec never thought he would have this again. That Magnus would ever look at him this way again. Over the last few days in bed, Alec was simultaneously trying to forget this feeling and cling onto this feeling with his entire being; this electricity that sparks between them when they are this close, the way Magnus looks at Alec like he is the most precious thing in the world. The way Alec's nerve endings explode when Magnus' fingertips graze against his bare skin. 

He realizes with total clarity that he could never give this up. He could never give Magnus up. Damn the consequences of what this will mean to his family or his kingdom, Alec will only ever want to be with Magnus. 

Alec can feel his heart about to beat out of his chest, and between one wild heartbeat and the next, Alec is kissing Magnus. 

The moment their lips collide, Alec lets out a moan deep in the back of his throat. Magnus gasps against his lips at the sound, pulling Alec tighter against him.

Kissing Magnus is even better than Alec could have ever imagined, and wakes up nerve endings that Alec did not even know he had, and he never wants it to stop. They kiss again and again, like Alec is suffocating and Magnus’ lips are oxygen. They kiss until Alec is dizzy with the taste of Magnus in his mouth. He opens his mouth deeper, inviting Magnus to take more of him, all of him, and he clutches at the nape of Magnus’ neck as he is lost in the sensation. 

Magnus’ hands are everywhere under his shirt, enflaming his skin, and Alec yanks his shirt off over his head to give him better access. Alec runs his hands along Magnus’ taut back muscles as well, his beautiful bronze skin smooth beneath his fingers. Alec has dreamt of running his hands across him since the moment he crashed into him at their first meeting. It feels even more glorious than his wildest fantasies. 

In a flash, Magnus’ shirt is gone too, and Alec cannot catch his breath. Magnus has the most beautiful body Alec has ever seen, and he trembles as Alec’s fingers run down his chest, down his abs. His hand wanders lower and lower, to the waistband of Magnus’ pants. But Alec pauses there, shaking, his hand unsure. 

“Alexander,” Magnus pants as he breaks away. “Maybe we should…” 

“I’m sorry,” Alec instantly yanks his hand back. “If you don’t want to…” 

“Of course, I want to,” Magnus smiles at him, grasping his hand. “It’s just that, you’re still unsure, you’re vulnerable. I don’t want to take advantage of you. Or for you to…regret something you cannot take back.” Magnus’ face clouds over. 

Alec wants to tell him everything. That he is no longer unsure, that he knows he made a mistake, and beg Magnus to forgive him for hurting him. But Alec has spent so long inside of his shell, he cannot force the words to leave the safety of his mind just yet. So instead he replies,

“I would never regret you, Magnus. No matter what happens.” Alec looks him straight in the eye, then kisses him soundly. Although he pulls away after only a moment, knowing that Magnus has set his boundaries for right now and does not want to push him. 

Magnus leans against him, resting their foreheads together, both of them catching their breath. They sit there in silence for a minute, kneeling shirtless on Alec’s bathroom floor.

“I should go,” Magnus whispers. He turns to leave, but Alec grabs his hand. 

“You don’t have to go.” Alec whispers. “You can stay, if you wanted. We don’t have to do anything, I swear. I just…” Alec pauses as a blush creeps up his neck into his cheeks. “I just…want to hold you.” 

Magnus smiles, tears welling up in his eyes, as he leans forward and gently kisses Alec between his eyebrows. Wordlessly, Magnus stands up and extends his hand. Alec holds onto it as he stands up on shaky legs. 

They walk over to Alec’s bed hand in hand and crawl under the covers. Alec wraps his arms around Magnus’ waist from behind, and pulls him flush against him, kissing his neck gingerly and breathing in his scent. Magnus melts at the contact, relaxing against him. 

“Goodnight, Magnus.” Alec whispers. 

“Goodnight, Alexander.” Magnus whispers back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is actually a hodge-podge of all the different versions that I started and stopped because I didn't like where they were going haha. A few scenes I deleted and saved for the next chapter. Now that I know where I want this to go, the order of scenes is more clear in my mind 
> 
> And thank you to the person who asked when I would be posting next. It gave me the encouragement I needed to dive back in :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus continues to make Alec blush adorably <3
> 
> Also Malec comes to a decision :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has been so long! Work and school have been insane (with no break in sight on the immediate horizon), but I finally had a few days off between semesters to squeeze in some writing time! I've actually had most of this written for a while, but could not decide how to divide up the chapters. But finally I just decided to keep it as one big monster! Enjoy! :)

Alec wakes with a start, shooting up in bed and gasping for air, his heart pounding in his ears. He automatically reaches the empty space next to him and is disappointed to find the sheets empty. 

He had fallen asleep almost instantly last night, safe and secure with his arms wrapped around Magnus’ waist, feeling more at peace than he had in a long time. Something about Magnus’ presence just assuaged all of his anxieties and insecurities and stopped his racing mind. If it wasn’t for Magnus’ familiar scent of sandalwood wafting off the sheets, Alec would have convinced himself it was only a dream. So instead of immediately rising like he normally does each morning, Alec lays in bed for several blissful moments, smooshing the sheets against his face and inhaling deeply. 

Alec allows his mind to drift, to bask in the memories of the kiss they had shared. He had never experienced anything like it, or imagined in his wildest fantasies that emotions so wondrously intense were even possible. When their lips connected, it was pure fire and a burst of fresh air between them at the same time. Alec’s mind was entirely consumed with getting Magnus as close to his own body as humanly possible, craving his bare skin gliding against his own. Alec shivered at the thought at what may have happened if Magnus had not applied the brakes last night. This bursts Alec’s happy little bubble, frowning at the thought that Magnus’ absence right now could mean something.  
Magnus had left. 

Is that a bad sign? Was he having seconds thoughts? Magnus had feared that Alec would regret their kiss but did HE regret last night? Did Magnus think that Alec would only ever want their relationship to be a secret, so that is why he left? To break things off before they could even begin? 

NO.

Alec stops those thoughts before he can spiral any further. He needs to ask Magnus himself. 

Alec turns towards the window. The sun is just starting to rise over the horizon, allowing a sliver of early morning light to peek through the curtains. If Alec hurries, he may be able to catch Magnus coming back from his morning run…which is hopefully the real reason why he left without saying anything. He probably just didn’t want to disturb Alec and be late for his strict schedule…right? 

Right?

Alec practically jumps out of bed, and is surprised when he does not stagger in doing so for the first time in nearly a week. His head finally feels almost back to normal, all thanks to Magnus’ healing magic last night, he is sure. He showers in a rush and throws on the first clean clothes he can find, which happen to be his running shorts and t-shirt. 

While he is hastily yanking the clothes on, Alec jumps in surprise. Suddenly, there is a distant tingling inside his fingertips, faintly at first then more insistent, slowly snaking its way through his veins; his ice powers are finally starting to build back up inside his body. The sudden familiar reminder of his power humming beneath his skin makes him pause. It only now dawns on him how long they had been absent; and he was too absorbed in his misery to notice how odd his body felt without them. Whether it was from his explosion in the forest, his head injury, or the fact that he had been so weak and barely eating the last several days, Alec was not sure. But truth be told, he feels a little less hollow now with their return. Whether he likes it or not, his ice powers are a part of him. Just like…

NO. 

More dangerous thoughts. Alec does not even let his mind finish the thought. 

Just like Magnus is a part of him. 

Without him realizing it, Magnus had already become part of his heart. And he cannot believe there was ever a version of him who was trying to deny that.  
When they kissed last night, Alec knew for sure. Actually, if he is being honest with himself, he knew for sure weeks before that, he was just unable to admit it to himself. Damn the consequences of what his family might say, of what his kingdom might say, of what this will mean for his future. The reality of almost losing Magnus from his life caused Alec to realize he cannot continue hiding from himself and what he truly wants for one more second. 

But what if Magnus says no, as he is the one who paused things last night? What if Alec hurt him too many times and he already closed off his heart to him? To protect himself? Magnus’ heart does not deserve being broken. Alec would understand if he already missed his chance…

Alec slides on his running shoes without retying the laces and breaks out into a sprint through the castle corridors, narrowly missing collisions with a few sharp corners. His feet pound steadily on the marble floors, then soften on impact when he reaches the expanse of grass outside.

He reaches the spot where they ended their run last week, and Alec doubles over panting, his hands on his knees. Through his wheezing, he tries to look around, but doesn’t see Magnus anywhere. His heart falls just a little bit, thinking where else to look next and that perhaps Magnus may actually be avoiding him, when he feels a familiar touch on his shoulder. 

Although the touch is welcome, Alec nevertheless yelps in surprise and leaps out of his skin. Magnus lets out a hearty chuckle at that. 

“Sorry,” Magnus tells him, although his expression is anything but sincere, full of amusement. 

“I…you…” Alec tries, still panting. 

“Here, take some water.” Magnus holds out the canteen. “I forgot it earlier. I was a bit distracted. You make the most adorable little snores when you sleep.” He smirks, his eyes twinkling. “Just ran back inside to get it.” 

Alec takes a few swigs gratefully then hands it back, completely ignoring the snore comment, but secretly being pleased that Magnus called him adorable. Magnus takes a few long pulls, and Alec’s eyes slowly trail down from his beautifully flushed face to his Adam’s apple, watching it bob with each gulp. He has the overwhelming urge to lunge forward and kiss it. This thought makes a blush creep into his cheeks, so Alec tries to distract himself by looking away…to Magnus’ abs glistening beautifully with sweat in the early morning light. 

“Earth to Alec?” Magnus chuckles, waving a hand in front of his face. 

“I…huh?” Alec replies eloquently, blinking rapidly. 

“I said did you want to talk? I’m assuming you did not sprint through the castle for fun, you were coming to find me?” 

It takes Alec a moment to answer, as his mind is momentarily occupied with trying to contemplate how Magnus’ make- up manages to stays on perfectly when he is so sweaty.

“I…yes. I…um…yes.” Alec forces out. 

Magnus chuckles again. “Here, we can talk down in the yoga area so I can start my stretches.” He starts walking and motions for Alec to follow. 

Alec watches as Magnus sashays his hips with that feline grace of his as he saunters forward. He turns his head back to glance at Alec, and totally catches Alec staring at his ass. Magnus lets out a deep booming laughing as Alec blushes again, scrambling to catch up with him. 

“So, how are the troops doing?” Alec asks as he reaches his side. Seeing all of the obstacle courses and other equipment made Alec realize he has missed several days of progress reports on their training, a tinge of guilt seeping into his stomach. 

“Wonderful, actually. Most of your men and women are quite receptive to my teaching and are fast learners. I really think their hard work will pay off when it comes time for their final timed scores, their enhanced agility will most definitely be visible.” 

Alec bobs his head along as Magnus speaks, avoiding eye contact in an attempt to focus on his words. 

“How was your run?” Alec asks him. 

“Very refreshing.” Magnus smiles. 

They walk a few steps in silence. “Good.” Alec practically shouts, realizing he is supposed to respond. “That’s good.” Alec finishes lamely, a few beats too late. Magnus covers his grin with his hand and momentarily looks away. 

Why is Alec feeling so awkward around Magnus now? So off-kilter? 

Alec wants to walk faster to get this over with, so he can say what he sprinted like the dickens here to say and find out how Magnus really feels. But Magnus seems to be deliberately setting the pace at a stroll on purpose, his hands clasped casually behind his back, totally at ease. Meanwhile Alec is clenching his hands into fists and shaking them out, his body feeling on edge like a taught bow string about to fire an arrow a great distance. 

 

By the time they reach the yoga area, Alec has managed to- with moderate success- force the blush from his cheeks and shove his hands into his pockets to cease his fidgeting. But Magnus surprises him by sliding down into a full split. 

“You can…wow.” Alec says, glancing away, his face immediately burning again. 

“No need to be shy,” Alec can hear the smile in his voice.

“Can you…can you just sit normally for a second?” Alec asks, trying to ignore all the dirty thoughts that immediately have come into his mind and focus on what he wants to say.  
He sees Magnus pull his legs in out of the corner of his eyes with a mischievous look on his face. 

“Alright, Your Highness, I’m decent.” Magnus declares, smirking, knowing exactly just how distracting he is being. 

Alec sits down across from him and crosses his legs, taking a deep breath. 

“Thank you,” Alec clears his throat. “Alright, I. Um. I just didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about last night.” 

Magnus’ face visibly falls. “Oh,” he lets out. “So, I was right after all. Look, that is quite alright, Alexander, that you don’t feel the same---” 

“Wait, NO. That is NOT what I’m saying at all!” Alec’s hands fly up, waving wildly in the air. “I meant the opposite! I, UGH I’m so bad at this.” Alec grabs at his hair and slides his hands across his face in frustration. 

Magnus’ brows furrow in confusion, and Alec leans forward and takes Magnus’ hands without consciously deciding to do so. They both freeze for a moment, unsure of where they stand. But it was the exact right thing to do. Alec rubs his thumbs soothingly across the tops of Magnus’ hands, and his eyelids flutter at the contact, his posture relaxing.  
“What I was trying to say was that I did not want you to get the wrong idea that we were not on the same page. Because we are. On the same page, that is. ” 

“Oh,” Magnus lets out again.

“I know that I…still have a long way to go. Lydia deserves to know that my heart is not in our intended marriage, that it never could be, and I can no longer go through with it. I have to tell my parents, my kingdom…who I really am. I have a long way to go to fix everything that is broken because of me...to fix everything broken inside me. With my powers, that is. And the first step is admitting who I really am, and being honest about what I really want. And I understand if you can’t handle that. I would understand if you wouldn’t want someone like me who has to work so hard at this. You deserve someone who is ready to walk in public proudly holding your hand, to boast to his parents about how amazing you are. The last thing I want to do is break your heart, Magnus. And I cannot guarantee that I will not screw up and hurt you even more than I already have in the process, but if you still want to, I want to—” 

Magnus lunges forward and kisses Alec hard on the mouth, cutting off his words instantly. He launched himself so hard that Alec falls backwards on the ground, Magnus straddling his hips, and Alec makes a relieved moan deep in his throat as his relishes in the pleasant weight of Magnus’s body against him. Magnus pulls away suddenly and Alec chases his lips, preparing to immediately pull his face back down. 

But the incredulous look on Magnus’ face makes Alec pause. His eyes are brimming with tears. 

“Yes,” Magnus whispers simply. “YES.” 

 

Much too soon, Magnus slides off of Alec, and Alec cannot help the way his lips pout at the loss of contact. Magnus laughs at this, running his thumb across Alec’s kiss-swollen bottom lip. 

“There, there, Alexander. The day is upon us. Are you really ready for the staff to see us rolling around out here making out?” 

Alec continues to pout. Magnus glances around quickly before pecking him chastely on the lips one more time. 

“Now go on. I have a yoga class to teach soon and you have some people to speak with.” 

Alec sighs. He knows Magnus is right. Begrudgingly, he stands up. 

“Speaking of yoga,” Alec starts, “Is my standing appointment still available?” 

Magnus smiles up at him from the ground, his face glowing. “Of course, Alexander.” 

“Then I will see you then.” Alec smiles as he turns to walk away. He momentarily thinks about trying that sashaying thing Magnus did with his hips, but immediately decides against it. He is positive he would look akin to a newborn deer trying to stand up on a frozen pond.

“Oh, and Alexander?” Magnus calls after him. Alec turns back around. 

“Did you notice something?” Magnus asks. 

Alec frowns. “Like what?” 

“No ice,” Magnus points out. 

It takes a moment for this to register. 

“Yeah,” Alec smiles, realizing that as, erm, in close proximity he just was to Magnus, his hands did not even feel cool. It used to be that even just thinking about Magnus would cause his powers to go hay-wire and burst from his fingertips. And just now, with Magnus’ entire gloriously sweaty body on top of him, with Magnus kissing him, he did not even feel the slightest inkling of his powers threatening to explode. 

In just admitting what he wants, who he is, Alec is already starting to gain control over his powers.

 

Alec walks back to his room in a daze, licking his lips repeatedly to capture the taste of Magnus still lingering. 

Magnus said yes, he thinks over and over. 

Now Alec must come through for Magnus, give him what he deserves. And that is a person totally committed to him and entirely open about their relationship.  
Instead of going to his room, he makes his way to his office instead and pens a note to Lydia. In lieu of inviting her to the castle, he decides it would be best for him to go to her. Today. He passes the note off to a staff member to deliver it and tries to keep his hand from shaking. 

You can do this, he thinks. 

You can do this not only for Magnus’ sake and Lydia’s sake, but for your own. 

 

When Alec walks into the room to join his family for breakfast, Queen Maryse drops her fork. 

“Alec,” she breathes. “I was just going to insist that Magnus take a look at you, darling, you had us so worried!” she leaps up and envelopes him in a tight hug. “How are you feeling now? You look so much better.” She places a hand on his forehead. 

“Yes, I feel much better.” Alec smiles reassuringly at her. “In fact, I saw Magnus earlier. He did indeed help heal me.” 

Izzy snorts and Alec shoots her a warning look. Was it possible that Izzy saw them kissing on the lawn? 

“I’m so glad for that, sweetie. Magnus is a very talented healer.” 

“That he is, mother.” Alec tells her as he sits down. “In fact…” he begins. “I’m glad you seem to like him so much.” Alec tells her, testing the waters. “Because I have had the opportunity to get to know him over the last few weeks, and I very much respect his character.” Alec finishes. 

Great, he winces inwardly. Now I sound like a Jane Austen novel, talking about his ‘character’. 

Izzy and Jace are both trying to hide a smile with their hands. 

Alec lets out a breath when his mother agrees. Thankfully, Jace jumps in with a funny conversation he had with Max, and Alec shoots him an appreciative look. 

At the end of breakfast, Alec decides he needs to speak to Izzy. He wants to know how much she knows about him and Magnus. And he also wants her to know what he is intending to say to Lydia. 

Knowing that her normal routine now usually involves the gym every morning, he follows her after a few minutes. 

Alec walks into the gym, and is stunned at what he sees. 

Izzy is standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by lit candles, with a silver whip gripped in her hand. 

“Izzy! What are you—” 

Izzy releases the whip with a deafening crack resounding off the walls, extinguishing the flame on the candle she was aiming for. 

“Relax, big brother. I’m a quick study.” Izzy smirks, not looking up at him as she draws her arm back and forward again. 

“Where in the hell did you get a whip?” Alec demands, completely horrified at his thirteen-year-old sister with such a dangerous weapon.

Izzy just laughs and continues extinguishing the flames of the candles in a circle surrounding her, one by one. Alec has to admit, she is pretty good. 

“Can you cut that out for a second? I would like to talk to you.” Alec says.

Izzy’s eyes jerk up to him in surprise at that. Alec cannot blame her. He never seeks her out just to talk anymore, only makes polite conversation when it is unavoidable.

“Really?” her eyes soften momentarily. 

“Of course, Iz. You’re my sister.”

She scowls at this. “Well you did a great job so far, what was that, a whole four sentences? Did you fill your monthly quota for speaking to me now?” Izzy retorts, refocusing her attention on the candles and turning her back on him. 

“Ok, ouch. Guess I deserved that.” Alec acknowledges. 

“Yeah. You did.” Izzy replies, but her tone is not as icy as before. 

“Please, Izzy. This is important.” 

Izzy pauses and turns back to face him. “What could you possibly want to talk to me about? Other than to lecture me on swearing at the dinner table.” 

Alec briefly smiles at this, “I think you already know.” He tries and fails to prevent a blush from creeping up his neck.

“Magnus?” Izzy asks softly. 

Alec simply nods, his eyes darting around the room. 

Wordlessly, Izzy hangs her whip up on a hook on the wall, and walks over a few steps to the combat mats on the floor. She sits down cross-legged and pats the spot next to her.

Alec let’s out a laugh. 

“Now I understand this is a bit…odd. After all, you are my younger sister. But I already know what Jace thinks. I would like to hear your opinion.” 

“Did something happen?” Izzy asks. 

Alec takes a deep breath then launches into the entire story; of the flirting, the fighting, the way Alec almost blew it, the way Magnus makes him feel. He even tells her the way Magnus makes him laugh, and seems to see him, all of him, in a way that no one else has before. In a way Alec has never wanted anyone else to before. He tells her about his few interactions with Lydia, how he thought he could grow to love her as a partner. But never in the way he feels about Magnus. And how to tell Lydia this without hurting her further? 

“So, I was right” Izzy smiles smugly, then continues in a soft voice, “You are falling in love with Magnus.” 

Alec wants to add, ‘I already hurtled face first into love with Magnus’ but simply nods. 

“But what about…do you think…do you think mom and dad will be disappointed?” Alec asks, and his voice cracks. “Do you think I am being selfish?” 

Although his previous conversation with Magnus cemented that they are already 100% in a committed relationship, and nothing his parents say will change that, Alec still desperately wants to have his parent’s approval. He still wants them to be proud of him. 

“They just want you to be happy, Alec” Izzy smiles at him. 

“That’s what Magnus said.”

“I think you answered your own question, big brother.” 

Alec is silent for a moment, lost in thought. 

“Hey,” Izzy takes his hand. “Being who you are is never selfish.” 

Alec blinks quickly, trying to dismiss the tears that are suddenly threatening to form behind his eyes.

“Izzy, I’m really sorry about all I have put you through.” Alec blurts out after a moment. “You have to know it was only to keep you safe. You never did anything wrong. It was just…every time I saw…this,” Alec gingerly strokes the blue streak in her hair pulled back in her ponytail, “it reminded me that I could have killed you. And I couldn’t have lived with myself. Having a sister that was alive and constantly mad at me was better than having a dead one. So I pushed you away. I’m sorry.” 

“Do you think I can handle myself now?” Izzy asks. 

“Well you did look pretty badass with that whip.” Alec smirks at her. “I think it’s a start. I need to…stop hiding from people.” 

“Does this mean you and Magnus are officially dating?” Izzy’s eyes light up. 

“Well I still have to officially break things off with Lydia today,” Alec grimaces. “Magnus does not deserve to be the other…man.” Alec finishes, turning the statement into a question. He was about to say ‘the other woman.’ Is there a male equivalent to mistress? Alec shakes his head. It doesn’t matter. Because Alec would not ever allow Magnus to be that. 

“Anyway,” Alec shakes his head. “What should I say to Lydia? You’re a woman. Well, sort of. What would you want to hear?” 

“Just be honest with her, big brother. She’ll understand.” Izzy squeezes his hand, smiling warmly at him. 

Alec smiles his lop-sided grin and pulls her against him in a bear hug. “I’ve really missed you, Izzy.” Alec’s voice is muffled against her hair. 

“I…can’t...breath…” Izzy says into his chest. 

“Sorry,” Alec releases her, but she’s smiling. 

“So, I’m the first one you told? Officially?” Izzy beams up at him. 

“You are,” Alec nods. “Although, you and Jace have both obviously known, probably since Magnus got here.” 

“I mean, not officially. And I am honored to be the first one to tell you, ‘I told you so’.”

Alec kisses her on the cheek, smiling widely. 

“Me, too.” 

 

An hour later, Alec is striding down the walkway towards the front door of Lydia’s estate, having just handed off Church to the stable boy. 

It had been a while since Alec had taken such a fast-paced ride that was not entirely to try and outrun his ice powers; panicking in desperation to get to his spot in the forest in order to decimate the same area instead of the castle grounds full of people he could potentially injure. 

Yet this ride was almost in equal parts due to exhilaration and nerves. Every time he thinks of Magnus, he cannot wipe the dopey smile off of his face. And now that is relationship with Izzy is on the mend, it gives him hope. Maybe he can actually have it all. Maybe he can actually be who he is and not disappoint those he loves in the process.  
But there is one person he has to disappoint.

Alec breathes deeply as he knocks on the enormous front door.

“Alec, right on time.” Lydia smiles as she opens the door wide. This is another side of Lydia that Alec admires, her desire to do things for herself. Simple things, such as opening her own front door instead of having a butler. “I admit, I was a little surprised to get your note.” She remarks as she ushers him in. “I have set up some tea out back in the garden, let’s have that chat.” 

As Alec follows her, he feels as if he should be more nervous than he is. Sure, he is dreading having to break the news to her of their broken almost-courtship and hurting her feelings. But the moment he laid eyes on her a moment ago, an unmistakably calm came over him; a satisfaction of knowing that he is about to do the right thing. He cannot help but be immensely happy underneath as well. Magnus, as well as both Lydia and Alec himself, deserve his honesty in this moment for the happiness of them all. 

“Are you feeling better?” she asks as they both take a seat. “Your mother informed me that you were ill the last few days. I hope it was nothing serious.” 

“It was nothing I could not recover from. I had a bit of a mishap and sustained a concussion. But I am almost entirely healed now.” 

“Oh dear, how dreadful.” Lydia remarks. “A head injury is nothing to mess with. I hope you’ve been examined by a doctor?” 

Alec was about to tell her that Magnus healed the last of the injury, but was not sure if Magnus wanted that spread around, about his dark magical abilities. Even though his powers from Lucifer have allowed him to do good and are not exactly a secret. But Magnus deserves to have the control over which people know and when. So instead he responds,  
“I have a clean bill of health now, thank you.” 

There is a slight pause before Alec continues. “So Lydia, the reason I wanted to meet with you…” Alec forces himself to take a sip of his tea to allow him a few extra moments to formulate his thoughts. 

“I want you to know that I have immensely enjoyed getting to know you these last several weeks. But I am afraid that I am unable to move forward with a courtship with you.” He pauses, seeing if she will interject. But she just waits for him to continue. 

“I thought that we would make a strong partnership, and I really value our friendship. But…I am afraid I have fallen for someone else.” 

Lydia shocks him by breaking out into a huge smile. 

“Alexander Lightwood. Are you telling me you have fallen in love?” 

Alec nods. Lydia reaches across the table and squeezes his hand. He looks up into her eyes and finds them to be shiny with tears. 

"Alec, that is wonderful news. I am so happy for you.” 

“…You are?” Alec is stunned. 

“Of course I am. I’ve been in love before, remember? I know first- hand what a wonderful feeling that is. Just because I lost my one true love, that does not mean you should not go after yours. I would never stand in the way of that” 

“Wow…” Alec is speechless. “Well, thank you, Lydia. And I meant what I said. I really do treasure our friendship. I hope we can still see more of each other in the future. And you deserve someone who has the capacity to fall whole-heartedly in love with you all over again. I’m sorry that can’t be me.” 

“Well like I said, I am resigned to my fate of not marrying for love again. But I would never begrudge you and your happy ending.” Lydia leans over and kisses him on the cheek. “So, who is it?” 

Umm…” Alec’s palms start to become cold. Not like his powers are about to actually shoot out, but more so like a warning; ‘hey, remember I’m still here to fuck everything up when you start to panic!’ 

Would Magnus mind? Is Alec ready to tell her before his parents know? Telling Izzy was not so much a confession but more of a confirmation, so that was not the same as this situation at all. Actually, maybe it might be easier telling a sort of neutral party for a bit of a test run…

Alec makes a snap-second second decision. 

“Magnus Bane.” 

And his name feels lovely leaving his lips. 

Lydia’s eyes widen in surprise for a moment.

“And you love him?” is all Lydia says.

Alec voices his earlier thought when he told Izzy. “I have hurtled head-first into love with him.” 

Lydia’s face breaks out into a triumphant grin, lighting up her entire face. 

And Alec cannot help but smile stupidly back at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For any of you who have read "The Infernal Devices", that is where I got the "hurtled head first in love" line! That was the description of Will Herondale's father falling in love with his mother, and it has always stuck with me :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly shameless fluff, with more of Magnus' backstory thrown in there ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been a while since I have posted *hides* I was really busy with work and summer classes, and honestly feeling a bit uninspired with all the Save Shadowhunters campaigning. My heart was breaking too much over the cancellation to sit down and write this next chapter of fluff. 
> 
> But here it is, finally! Thank you all for your sweet comments :) This chapter doesn't have as much plot as previous ones, but I don't think you'll mind...:)

Alec is unable to keep the enormous grin off his face as he strides back onto the castle grounds. 

Alec cannot believe how smoothly his talk with Lydia went. In any best- case scenario he imagined in his head, her extremely positive and completely supportive reaction did not even make the list. 

And his powers…

First, his powers did not react when he was kissing Magnus earlier in the grass. Whereas before, his powers would have threatened to expel at just the mere thought of Magnus. Magnus had been on top of him, so close against Alec’s body that he could feel the planes of his muscles move against his own…Alec slides his eyes closed at the memory, reliving the moment in his mind…

And just now with Lydia, that is the first time his emotions only caused a slight change in the temperature of his hands instead of ice bursting out against his will. He cannot remember the last time they were ever that…calm. 

Maybe Magnus and Grandpoppy are right, after all. Now that Alec is slowly accepting who he is and who he is a falling in love with, his powers have registered that. Their grip on him is loosening…

Alec breaks into a run and lets out a big booming laugh. He cannot contain his joy as he makes his way to their special spot for his…” yoga lesson.” Alec feels the steady pounding of his feet against the earth, the whoosh of the fresh summer air moving through his lungs. He is finally beginning to see what Magnus sees in running, the pure adrenaline coursing through his veins combined with thoughts of Magnus are making him absolutely invigorated. 

Alec continues to run at top speed in a euphoric state, straight to their spot, and bursts through the trees. 

When Magnus startles at his noisy entrance, he turns around, a worried look on his face. 

Was he concerned Alec was not going to go through with it? Was he really afraid Alec would have backed out? For all of Magnus’ self-confidence, Alec is reminded that he holds this man’s heart in his hands, and he does not want to forget that enormous responsibility for one moment.

But one look at the elated smile plastered across Alec’s face, and Magnus breaks out into a tentative grin. 

“You… told her?” Magnus asks hesitantly, taking a cautious step towards him. 

Alec simply nods. He is so giddy, he actually starts to giggle. He surges forward and takes Magnus’ face in his hands, crushing his lips against Magnus’ with such force, Alec knocks him to the ground. 

Panting from his sprint, Alec peppers Magnus’ skin with short kisses between gasps of air, only able to maintain contact for a moment. He kisses the side of his mouth, his cheek, his ear, the side of his neck, under his jaw.

Magnus laughs beneath him, holding Alec tightly, bringing his knees up on either side of him to encircle his waist. Alec runs his hands through Magnus’ hair as Magnus rucks up Alec’s shirt, gliding his fingertips against the firm muscles of Alec’s back. They become such an entangled pair of limbs rolling together in the grass, they both start to laugh so hard that kissing becomes impossible. Alec pulls back breathing hard and smiling hugely, looking down at Magnus’ face beaming back up at him.

 

In lieu of a yoga lesson, they lay beneath the shade of the trees on their backs side by side, their hands clasped, fingers intertwined, looking up at the clouds rolling past. 

Alec has just finished recounting his conversations with Izzy and Lydia. 

“I am so proud of you, Alexander.” Magnus smiles over at him, his face glowing. 

“Thanks. But I still haven’t done the difficult part yet. I have to tell my parents.” 

“There’s no rush. Tell them when you’re ready.” Magnus squeezes his hand encouragingly. 

“Thanks, Magnus. But I need to tell them sooner rather than later. Especially if it gets back to them that I split with Lydia. Besides, they deserve to know. I want them to know. About me. About us. I want them to know who I really am. I’m done hiding.” 

Alec barely finishes his sentence before Magnus is kissing him, and Alec cannot help but laugh against his lips. 

“Sorry,” Magnus breathes, his body draped over half of Alec’s.

Alec merely smiles and pulls Magnus’ lips back down against his own. 

“Don’t you dare…apologize.” Alec pants as he finally has to pull away for air. 

After a few more quick kisses, they settle back down into their original positions; side by side, bodies aligned at every plane. Alec begins rubbing circles on the top of Magnus’ hand with his thumb, perfectly content to just lay in the shade with Magnus on this beautiful summer day, idly dreaming about their future.

“So what about you?” Alec asks after a few moments of peaceful silence. 

“What about me, what?” Magnus asks, peering sideways at him. 

“Everything,” Alec replies. “I just realized I still don’t know that much about you.” 

“What would you like to know?” 

“Everything!” Alec says again, and they both laugh. “How about you start with Brooklyn. What is it like there? What do you do? What is a normal day for you like?”   
Magnus smiles at his eagerness. 

“Well,” he begins slowly. “I told you before I haven’t been to Brooklyn for a while, because I have been traveling. But while I was there, I had a pretty successful business by word of mouth. People who needed magical assistance. I’m not going to lie, I charged outrageous fees for my services, not many people possess my gifts, you see. I did use a little of my healing magic free of charge for those who could not afford me, but those cases were few and far between. For a time, I was mostly using my conjuring abilities for...sordid purposes, to say the least. I could blame it on what happened with Camille…” 

Magnus’ eyes cloud over momentarily. “But honestly, that was just me rationalizing my vain behavior. Camille’s influence had started to lead me down a dark path, she fed into my…darker impulses, and I lost myself for a time. And even though I was making a killing and living quite a lavish lifestyle, I was unhappy. I no longer recognized who I was, what I had become.” 

Alec lets this sink in, struggling to imagine this version of Magnus juxtaposed against the beautifully kind and selfless man he sees before him right now. 

“But eventually,” Magnus continues, “after a messy break up with Camille and hitting rock bottom, I found my way back to my roots. There’s an old saying that goes something like ‘you cannot know who you are until you lose who you are’, and that was what happened to me. I built myself from the ground up. 

“I stopped relying on my magic for nefarious purposes and instead turned to yoga and other exercise to cope with the turmoil of negative emotions I found myself trapped in. In my new lifestyle, I found control, balance, and a reawakened inner strength I forgot that I had. 

“I realized that everything I had learned, everything I had built for myself, could be used to help others as well. So I started this training consultation business. All of this is what kept me from self-destructing when I was at my lowest. It gave me structure and a purpose, held me accountable for my actions and challenged me every single day. I not only became the most physically strong I have ever been, but also the most mentally strong. 

“I became a nomad, traveling around the world, offering my services for something that I am proud of, something that I accomplished through hard work; instead of relying on my magic that was bestowed upon me without my consent. I still charge for my services, obviously, a man has to make a living somehow. But now I work hard for everything I have. And I can attribute my success entirely to my own tenacity, not my reliance on magic.” 

Alec stares at him in nothing short of reverence for a moment, letting Magnus’ story sink in. But he will not meet Alec’s eyes, instead looking up at the tree branches above them. 

“I’m so in awe of you,” Alec tells him bluntly. “Of everything you have accomplished, of the person you are.” 

Magnus’ head jerks over to face him suddenly, a look of bewilderment momentarily widening his features; a deer caught in a hunter’s crossbow. But then his face softens, like a heavy burden has just been lifted, and he appears to be holding back tears. Magnus leans forward and kisses Alec on the forehead, right between his eyebrows. 

“I was afraid you would…be disappointed in me.” 

Alec wants to laugh at the absurdity of such a statement.'

“Magnus, just seeing how far you’ve come…” Alec is at a loss for words but continues to stumble along anyway. “I love that this…strength you have, this…power you hold over yourself was not something that came naturally to you. It is so much more impressive hearing how hard you had to fight to be yourself, the strength it took to come back from the brink of the dark side. You give me hope that I can do the same. Don’t ever be ashamed of your past, because it made you who you are.” 

The tears spring free of Magnus’ eyes, and he hastily wipes them away. 

“Ok, enough sweet talking.” Magnus clears his throat, “Unless you’re prepared for me to rip all your clothes off right here and now.” Magnus eyes him mischievously as he sits up abruptly. 

Alec’s face immediately heats to a bright shade of red, the sight of which causes Magnus’ smile to turn absolutely wicked. 

“I see you considering it, which is one of the things I adore about you, darling. But alas, our hour is almost up, and I would still like to accidentally-on-purpose feel you up during your yoga lesson.” 

Magnus stands up and extends his hand down to Alec. Smiling, Alec grasps it, and Magnus hauls him to his feet. Still holding onto his hand, Magnus yanks him suddenly so their bodies are flush against each other. Alec gasps at the contact, his face heating up even more. 

“Oh, I so love making you blush.” Magnus breathes, the wicked smile still stretching across his face. Their lips are but a few inches apart, and just as Alec begins to lean forward to close the distance, Magnus pointedly pulls back and saunters away from him. 

“Come along pupil, you’re wasting time.” Magnus points to the yoga mats laid out on the grass a few feet away, and Alec cannot help the pout that forms on his lips.  
Magnus lets out a snort, then covers his mouth with his hand. 

“You really have no idea how adorable you are,” Magnus tells him, trying to hold in a laugh. 

Alec says nothing, he simply waltzes over to his mat and bends over into downward dog, his ass facing Magnus.

“Teach away, instructor.” Alec says sweetly, wriggling his ass a bit for good measure.

“My pleasure, Alexander.” 

 

True to his word, Magnus did spend most of the remainder of their lesson sliding his hands unnecessarily along Alec’s bare skin to “correct” his poses, making him laugh and fall over. 

And when Magnus had to return to the castle to teach his actual lessons, Alec spent much of the afternoon finding excuses to stay outside and watch him…and his glistening god-like abs. Under the pretense of checking the guards’ progress, Alec was able to steal a few glances at him, and was caught every single time by a smug Magnus. 

While it is taking all of Alec’s self-control not to openly gape at Magnus purposely doing straddling stretches right in front of him, one of the guards approaches Alec full of concern. “Have you been out in the heat too long, Your Highness? You’re face keeps flushing.” 

Magnus turns his snort into an extremely unconvincing cough.

“I’m fine, Underhill. Thank you.” Alec smiles at him. “But I think I will head inside and cool off.” 

Alec turns around and starts his ascent back up towards the castle, and hears Magnus continue to turn his laughter into a coughing fit, but Alec keeps walking; straight into his bedroom and into his shower, turning on the water as cold as it will go.

 

After an extended ice shower that leaves Alec slightly shivering, he hastens into the dining room a few minutes late for dinner. 

Throughout the entirety of his shower, Alec had been rehearsing in his head just how he was going to break the news of him and Magnus as a couple to his parents. The bracing cold of the stream helped to keep his mind focused. At least for the most part. It did wander quite a few times to Magnus’ smug face earlier on the lawn. Which led to thoughts of everything Alec would like to do to those smug lips…

Alec strides into the room with purpose, prepared to deliver his speech to his parents. But his gait falters and visibly wilts when he sees the three empty seats that are normally occupied by his parents and Magnus. 

“Where are mom and dad?” Alec asks Izzy and Jace. 

“They sent a note, saying that trade negotiations with Weasleton are taking longer than expected and that they may not return for a few days.” Jace tells him, his mouth full of mashed potatoes. 

Alec feels his face fall in disappointment. He had been so ready to tell his parents about his relationship, about finally accepting who he really is. Nevertheless, rehearsing just what he was going to say then not having the opportunity to say it was like prepping for a battle that was suddenly postponed. His adrenaline is rushing, his breathing is quick, and his body is a bundle of anxious nerves. 

“Where’s Magnus?” Alec blurts out as he sits down. 

“Mr. Bane,” Jace teases, “sends his apologies, but says he is going to lay down for a bit in his room. Says he got a little too much sun today.” 

Was this Magnus’ way of giving Alec privacy to talk to his parents? Fat lot of good that did. 

Alec eats mechanically, lost in thought, as Izzy and Jace discuss the merits of training with a whip versus a sword. 

What if his parents hear rumors before he is able to speak to them? Lydia already assured him that she would not say anything to anyone until he was able to make his official announcement, but her house is full of servants just like his. Anyone of them could have been eavesdropping and the gossip could be spreading through Arendelle right this very minute. 

“Earth to Alec,” Izzy waves her hand in front of his face.

“Huh?” 

“I said, isn’t a whip more badass than a sword?” 

Alec smiles at her. “Izzy, you know I will always go for the bow and arrow.” 

“That is such a cop out!” Jace grumbles. “That option wasn’t even on the table! Come on Alec, you’re the tie breaker here.” 

“No thanks,” Alec smiles at them both as he stands up from the table. “Feel free to continue this argument without my input.” 

Alec smiles as he walks out, their bickering echoes following him down the hallway. 

He pauses at the end of the corridor, unsure of where to go. Of course, he wants to see Magnus, his absence from dinner was a palpable pain in his chest. But if Magnus is actually asleep or needs some space to himself, he does not want to impose on his solitude. 

His feet are moving outside before he consciously decides to do so, heading straight for the archery targets. Alec takes a deep breath of the evening air, the lowering sun at his back as he reaches his sacred space. He picks up the bow and loads in the first arrow, relishing the feel of the instruments in his hands, that sense of total control and focus it brings him, the calm that washes over his mind. 

Alec loses track of the passing minutes as he releases arrow after arrow, hitting the target every time. Distantly, he feels the skin around his fingers and hand becoming sore, but he does not stop. Eventually, he notices that the targets are becoming harder and harder to see in the darkening light, and he concedes to head back inside the castle. 

Alec is about to head back to his room when he pauses in the middle of the corridor, looking towards the turn that leads to Magnus' room…Alec’s whole body is already trembling at the thought. Before he can second-guess himself, Alec makes the turn. 

 

This is probably a horrible idea, Alec thinks to himself as he creeps down the hallway to Magnus’ room. Magnus could already be asleep for the night. After all, he wakes up each morning before the sun and is exercising all day for hours in the heat. 

But Alec could not stand the thought of waiting until tomorrow afternoon to see Magnus, to touch him. Even to just hold his hand or run his fingers across his cheek.

So here he is, a mere few feet away from his door, trying to decide how to proceed. Should he knock? Should he whisper through the door, hoping he hears him? Should he listen for signs of movement and then just walk in? 

Alec is saved from further deliberating when he walks the last few steps and can see a light coming from underneath the door, meaning that he is hopefully still awake. 

Alec steals himself and knocks on the door, trembling in anticipation. 

“Magnus?” Alec whispers loudly. “You still awake?” 

“Come in,” 

Alec opens the door and takes a tentative step inside.

Magnus is sitting up in his bed reading a book, the covers pulled down, wearing nothing but fluorescent purple shorts.

Magnus looks up at him with a mischievous smirk, a look saying he knows exactly why Alec is there. 

“Why hello, Alexander, what a pleasant surprise.” Magnus waits for Alec to say something. 

“Um…” Alec begins, ever the eloquent communicator. 

“Yes?” Magnus asks, still smirking.

“Um. Can I come in?” 

“Darling, you are in.” Magnus reminds him, trying not to laugh.

“Right,” A blush creeps into Alec’s face as his eyes dart around the room. He can see Magnus smiling out of the corner of his eye. 

Magnus sets aside his book and slides off the bed, sauntering towards Alec. Alec is paralyzed in anticipation, his breathing speeding up. 

Magnus reaches the space directly in front of him, and Alec is transfixed by his gaze. Magnus leans closer and reaches out a hand. Alec assumes it is to touch him, but his arm extends past him. Alec hears the click of the door closing behind him. He lets out a ragged breath, unsure of when he stopped taking in oxygen. 

“Did you want something, Alexander?” Magnus asks, his eyes twinkling, face mere inches from him. 

“You,” Alec hears himself breathe.

Just like their first kiss, Alec is unsure of who closes the distance first. But one moment they are standing in front of each other, the charged air pulling them together, and the next they are connected like two magnets that refuse to separate. Alec’s trembling body sags at the contact, and he emits a relieved noise deep in the back of his throat through their connected lips. He opens his mouth wider, urging Magnus to take more of him, and Magnus obliges. 

Magnus pushes Alec up against the door, and Alec’s head thunks back against it. Magnus’ whole body is aligned with Alec’s as he kisses him senseless, and Alec cannot think of anything except getting Magnus even closer. He hitches up a leg around Magnus’ waist, and Magnus holds it firmly in place, his hand underneath his thigh. Alec’s whole body is on fire, his nerve endings are raw and about to implode. 

Wordlessly, they stumble over towards Magnus’ bed together, kissing the whole way. But Alec momentarily trips over his feet in the process as Magnus is sliding Alec’s shirt over his head, which makes Magnus chuckle and Alec’s cheeks heat up even more. The desperation between them is momentarily broken, and Magnus takes advantage of Alec being flustered to ease him onto the bed with a laugh. Magnus crawls up on top of him, hovering.

“Alexander, are you sure?” Magnus gasps. “I don’t want you to feel—”

“YES. By the Angel, yes Magnus. Yes.” 

“I’m sorry, is that a yes?” Magnus asks teasingly. 

Alec surges up and connects their lips once more, flipping them over so Magnus is underneath him. Magnus gasps in surprise and smiles against Alec’s lips. Alec pulls back slightly, resting his forehead against Magnus’. He pushes his hips against Magnus’ even closer and Magnus breathes in sharply while arching his hips at the contact. Alec whispers darkly, suddenly brave, 

“Yes. That is a yes, Magnus.” 

Magnus pulls down on Alec’s neck roughly and connects their lips again. The time for words is over. 

 

Alec drifts in and out of sleep in Magnus’ arms, halfway between dreaming and reality. What just transpired between them is playing on a repeating loop in his head, and he cannot keep the smile off his face as his mind and body try to process everything; 

The removing of each other’s clothes, the scorching heat of Alec’s skin and the way Magnus’ touch against its surface made him cry out from the sheer sensation of his fingertips.   
And all the kinds of kisses. The hard, desperate kisses, the slow deliberate kisses, and the softest kisses that were akin to worship. 

The image of Magnus’ face as he came apart beneath Alec’s touch will always be seared into his memory. And the sound of his name on Magnus’ lips, like a whispered prayer. The way Magnus came undone, gave up control, just as Alec gave up control to him in turn. 

Alec did not just bare his body to Magnus, but his entire heart and soul. 

Alec feels Magnus stir and stretch beneath him. He kisses his bare chest, right above his heartbeat, and Magnus emits a pleased purr in the back of his throat in sleep. 

“I love you, Magnus,” Alec whispers as he rests his head on Magnus’ chest, snuggling even closer as he is pulled under by sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of the plot will resume with the next chapter, I have lots of ideas I am brainstorming how to best fit in :) 
> 
> [I am in my last semester of school now so it may be a bit before I post again. But I wanted to at least get this chapter out before my workload gets too crazy] 
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one :)

**Author's Note:**

> I am in my spring semester of graduate school, so my upload schedule for chapters is going to be fairly sporadic. But I will try my best not to take too long between chapters! I am still trying to figure out exactly where I want this to end up, and making it up as I go along. Enjoy! 
> 
> Come say hi on Twitter! (freeleigh47)


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